One Drunken Night
by ShepardCousland
Summary: It begin so simple. Celebrate a bachelor party at the casino, and make it back in time for the wedding. But there's only one problem with that, you can't have a wedding without a groom. One night of drinking leads to the strangest spiral of chaos. Complete.
1. Drink?

Kuji Yamamoto soul reaper and captain of the Ninth Division, his grandfather is the great Genryūsai Shigekuni Yamamoto. Not many people were aware of him; it wasn't like his grandfather was ashamed of him. Quite the opposite, his grandfather was proud of him. He was everything his grandfather would want in a grandson. Kuji was strong, determine and powerful. He was one of the most feared hand-to hand combatants in the whole soul society. Although they could butt heads sometime -due to Kuji laziness. He knew his grandfather cared about him.

He ran his hand over a scar on his eye; he had received it many years ago, during his time as lieutenant in the thirteen divisions. He also met Soi-Fon during those times; it was love at first sight for him-for her not so much. She ignore all his advances, threw all his gifts away and he had lost count on how many she had stung him with her zanpakuto. After thirties years of her turning him down, she finally accepted to go on a date with him. Of course he had secretly bribe Yoruichi into forcing her, but she didn't have to know that. Now ten years later they were engage; he couldn't believe tomorrow he would be a married man. Everyone thought he would be forever single like his best friend and fellow captain, Shunsui Kyoraku. They're both were infamously known as the skirt chaser in the Soul Society, unlike his friend he found his one true love. So today he decided he will party as a single man one last time.

He had to the liberty of inviting some of his closes friends, he looked around the room and saw Shunsui, Byakuya, Toshiro, and Kenpachi and - wait was that Ichigo? When the hell did he get here? He didn't even know the substitute soul reaper very well, nor did he like him very much.

Why would he be at his bachelor party?

_"Must be a main character thing," _he thought.

_"_Oi, Kuji when is the women coming?" a voice slurred interrupting Kuji from his thoughts.

Kuji spun around to see his old friend Shunsui with a bottle of saké in his hand, and a few other bottles empty on the counter. He knew the man was just getting started, by another hour he would've drunken every bottle of sake in the whole casino.

Kuji glanced at his watch. "Very soon my friend."

"I didn't come here to see any women" Ichigo said, with his usual scowl on his face. Kuji rolled his eyes.

"You're not supposed to be here at all," Kuji mumble grimly under his breath. For the record it wasn't his idea to invite the teen, if anything he would have invited Isshin instead, at least his father knew how to have fun.

Kenpachi who was sitting not too far from the teen watched with amusement in his eyes. "Never seen naked women before huh?"

Ichigo waved his hand in dismissal. "It's not like that, I just don't like see women dance for money."

"I do!" Shunsui and Kuji said in unison, pumping their fist into the air. Toshiro rolled his eyes at the older very desperate men.

Kenpachi took a greedy swig out of his sake bottle, finishing the bottle and slamming it down on the table. "We could always spar if you want?"

Ichigo's eyes widen and you could see the fear in his face. It was no way he was going to fight that barbaric beast of a man again. He barely had made it out the last time they fought, and he knew this time would be no different.

"No thanks," Ichigo said quickly, avoiding all eye contact with the spiky hair captain, hoping it would end that suggesting quickly.

"Why not, you aren't scared are you?"

"Your sparring match rules are 'fight to death', I very much like living thank you very much."

"We could always fight till someone bleeding out or on the verge of death."

"Must you always resort to barbaric measure Zaraki," Byakuya broke in.

"Must you always be a damn pansy Kuchiki?" Zaraki shot-back at the noble, who in return glared daggers into the barbaric man.

"Can't we all just get along," Kuji asked hopefully, intervening in the men confrontation.

"No!" they respond at the same time.

"Well lucky I took all your swords before we came to the casino," Kuji said cheerfully. He knew that Byakuya and Kenpachi could not stay in the same room, without trying to rip each other into shreds-more literally for Byakuya, since his shikai could really do that.

"So play nice until tomorrow," he chided.

"I sure hope Matsumoto during her paperwork," Toshiro mumble out loud, ignoring everyone.

"Oh, shiro-chan don't worry about paperwork," Shunsui stated obvious drunk, he placed his arm sluggishly around the tenth divisions captain.

"Don't call me that," Toshiro said, angrily throwing the drunken man arm from around him causing him to stumble backward.

Kuji sighed, his bachelor party wasn't going to be no fun with everyone bickering. He had dreamed about this day for years, even more so than his wedding (don't tell Soi-Fon). He wanted this bachelor party to be one he would never forget. He had hoped he wouldn't need his secret weapon he got from Captain Kurotsuchi, but this was important to him so he was force to do it. He slid inconspicuously into the kitchen with a bottle of pills in his hand. He opened the cabinet, and took six shot-glasses down. He filled each one with a drink he had gotten from the living world.

He drop one pill into each glass causing a light purple substances, he stirred it until it dissolve. He placed each glass on the tray and headed back off into the living room with the "rough crowd".

_"I hope this works," he thought_

"Alright everyone I made special drinks," he said handing everyone a glass, than grabbing the last one for him. "Drink up, and don't leave a drop."

He hated how bad his hand started to sweat; he has never been good at lying. Maybe no one would notices the sweat.

"Why are you sweating Kuji"? Byakuya raised an inquiry eyebrow, at his childhood friend who was sweating even more rapidly than normal.

Kuji rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "What are you talking about I'm not nervous," he said wiping his sweating palms on his shirt. "It's not like I poison your drink to make you loosen up or something...would I do such a thing?"

"Hmm..."

Flashback:

"_Hey Byakuya," a younger Kuji said, bursting into the newly appointed sixth divisions captain office._

_Byakuya who was use to his friend strange antic for attention never looked up from his paperwork. "What do you need Kuji?" he asked in an apathetic tone, placing another pile of paperwork into the 'done' pile._

_"I just thought since it was your first day, me being your best friend would make you some of my special tea," he gloated proudly thrusting his left fist into the air, and holding unto the tray with the other._

_"Why would you fix me tea," he inquired, finally looking up from his work._

_Kuji rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "What a straight man can't fix his equally straight friend a cup of tea, it's not like I would poison you to take embarrassing picture...would I do such a thing?"_

_Byakuya thought back into flashback when they were younger, Kuji had given him one of his special drinks, after that all he remembered was he had somehow woken up in that were-cat house with no shirt on and a bunch of camera in the room. He knew he had been poison by someone-but whom? He knew Kuji would not do such a thing...right?_

_"Very well," he said drinking the tea, not noticing that Kuji eyes were beaming mischievously._

_The next day he had woken with a major headache, he had somehow inadvertently ended up in the woman's bathing area. Many fan-girls had gathered around to take pictures. He swore he would figure out why every time Kuji gave him a drink he would not remember nothing after that. Was it that damn were-cat sneaking in, and poison him while he wasn't looking? _

End of Flashback

"Of course not," Byakuya said amicably, turning back to the drink in his hand. Kuji let out a relief breath.

"I'm too young to drink," Ichigo pointed out.

"Again why is he here," Kuji mutter darkly folding his arms, him and the author will have a long nice talk about this.

Kenpachi snorted. "Well if you aren't going to fight, just shut up and drink."

"I agreeeeeeeee," Shunsui said slurring the vowed, finishing his glass and taking yet his sixth sake bottle from the bar.

"This tasted disgusting," Toshiro announced rather loudly, slamming the glass down on the table.

Ichigo had taken a sip of his and started gagging rapidly. It was also obvious the teen had never drunk a day in his life.

"C-can't b-breath," he said gasping for air. Kuji patted him on the back and shove the rest into his mouth, which caused the teen to gag even more.

Kuji smiled brilliantly. "Don't worry you'll be fine." "

"It does taste a bit like piss, but not any piss. The piss you take after a good bottle of orange soda." Kenpachi stated matter-of-factly, not releasing how wrong his statement sounded.

"..."everyone said glaring at the large man.

Silenced.

"Not like I tasted it before or something," the spiky hair captain cleaned up, daring anyone to question him.

"Well it looks like this will turn out to be a great bachelor party after all," Kuji said cheerfully, he place his hands behind his head and took a seat at the bar. He drew his sleeve and looked at his watch, if he was correct his "special ingredient" should be kicking in about five minutes.

_"Now to sit back and wait for epicenes to kick in…. Wait did I poison my drink as well?" _he thought, trying to recant back to when he was in the kitchen.

He thought about it.

"Awww shit!"


	2. WTF?

"My head…" Toshiro said his voice muffle from the pillow over his head. When did his head start throbbing so much? And why did he smell like sweat and shame? Then he remembered Kuji and his bachelor party, he must have still been in the hotel. He set up on the bed and looked around the disarray room, it was a total wreck. Broken bottles scatter everywhere, deflated balloons and the couch was cut in half, and that wasn't even the gist of everything wrong in the room. He rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"_What the hell happen in here and where did everyone go?" He thought. A l_oud thump interrupt him from his thoughts.

"What the hell." A voice said from inside a barrel crate, Toshiro recognize the owner.

"Zaraki?" He questioned, wondering how the large man could even fit inside of it. He could feel Zaraki spiritual pressure raising, causing the crate to break.

Zaraki frown slightly looking at the broken pieces of the crate. "How the hell did I fit into there?" He turned to look at Toshiro, and what he saw made him grin wickedly. "Nice Mohawk."

Toshiro raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking abo-" he didn't even have to finish his sentence, he was standing in front of a mirror and his eyes had widen into shock.

"WHAT HAPPEN TO MY HAIR!" he exclaimed, his perfect white spiky hair which took hours and hours to get it just right, was now shaved on each side and the rest was standing on the top of his head. This was absurd; he did not remember cutting his hair into this horrid "Mohawk" or whatever it's called.

"I think it fits you snowflake," Kenpachi said approvingly.

"Hmmm…." A voice grunted from the bar, they looked over to see Byakuya getting up off the ground where he had left a face-print on the carpet.

"Princess sleep on the floor, never thought I'll see the day," Kenpachi said shaking his head.

"Oh, Nanao my naughty little angle you want to do that," Shunsui said dreamily from the couch, drool pouring from his mouth.

#

_Somewhere Nanao felt a cold shiver down her spine._

_"Pervert," she growled and swatted her book into the thin air._

_#_

"Ouch!" he exclaimed, waking up and rubbing the side of his head where Nanao usually hits him. He then started ranting on about how "beautiful "and "cruel" Nanao was.

"What happen…?" Byakuya questioned, completely ignoring the older captain rants. The drinks, the not remembering and waking up with a massive headache-somehow it all seemed very familiar. Why?

Kenpachi just shrugged. "Can't remember what happen, sure look like we had some_ fun _last night," he perceived, looking at the pair of women's underwear that didn't belong to any of them. Well he had hoped it didn't anyway, he knew that Kuchiki was on the sweet side and it could belong to him. He couldn't be that sweet could he?

.He looked at the noble than back at underwear, he raised his eyebrow. "Those aren't…"

"Those don't belong to me Zaraki," Byakuya clarified, knowing where the large man was going with this.

"Oh."

"I assume you don't remember what happen either," Toshiro directed his question to the flamboyant captain, still very pissed about his hair, so piss he could kill the next person that even said anything about it. The very next person, he swore he would rip them from limb-to-limb.

Shunsui blinked examining the young captain. "You did something new, but what."

"_Don't..." _the room temperature started to drop

"Something is off..."

_"You won't like me when I'm angry,_" Toshiro spiritual pressure roses to a dangerous level, his eyes turning bloodshot red.

Byakuya waved his hand as a warning, of course Shunsui being well Shunsui perceived it as a waved and waved back. Byakuya just sighed and ready himself for the worse.

"This isn't going to be pretty," Kenpachi declared, shaking his head.

"No it won't," Byakuya for once agreeing with the giant captain.

. "You cut your hair," Shunsui pointed out as if it wasn't obvious, unknowingly of what was about to happen next.

After ten minutes of a crazy hulk look-a-like Toshiro chasing around Shunsui trying to kill him, even without his zanpakuto he still manage to freeze the room over. Byakuya trying pinned him to the ground to keep him from further damaging the room, while Kenpachi just rolled on the floor laughing. They heard a noise that made them freeze (everyone except Shunsui who was already mounted to the wall by ice) in their steps.

"….."They'll say. They heard the noise again this time louder and coming from the cabinet. They inch up closer and closer.

Shunsui looked at his fellow captains. "Should we open it?"

"We can't just not check it out," Toshiro suggested cleverly.

They'll looked amongst each other and nodded. They open the cabinet revealing a baby boy with black hair and a baby kimono on, the child was no more than ten months sitting in a baby basket.

"Dada," the baby said glaring at Byakuya. Everyone sent a questionably looked at the noble.

Byakuya shot a bewilder expression at the child, which was an emotion he rarely showed. "You're mistaken child-"

"Dada," the baby wailed, reaching for Byakuya. The baby started begun to cry, everyone looked at each other not knowing what to do next.

Byakuya was a cold, uncaring person, but even he couldn't just let the baby just cry. "There, there," he spoke gently raising the baby up into his arm, he tried cradling him up and down to make him stop crying. The baby just wailed even louder.

"Not like that, you have to hold him close up and rock him gently side to side," Kenpachi said in a fatherly tone, everyone looked shock at the giant captain. The loudest, sadistic, undignified, bloodthirsty captain just gave out intellectual parental advice? What has the world come to…?

#

_"BREAKING NEWS"_

_"Godzilla took over Tokyo, we're all doomed!"_

_"All nations gave up their nuclear weapon and decide on world peace."_

_"Lady Gaga dressed NORMAL!"_

_"More on these stories tonight."_

_#_

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," a scream was heard from the bathroom.

_"ROARRRRRRRR,"_ an animal-like sound was heard soon after.

Shunsui tipped his hat over his eyes. "Should we check that out as well?"

"Let's just wait this one out," Toshiro said smoothly, they all nodded in agreement and sat down to have a nice cup of tea.

They could hear someone screaming for their life, they also heard a roaring sound and a high amount of spiritual pressure was leaking. They had already figure out it was the substitute soul reaper in the bathroom; they thought it was best to leave him with whatever was in there. They didn't want to get caught up; in whatever trouble the teen had found himself in this time. It was for the best they told themselves. After five minutes they could hear the bathroom door creak open and shut very quickly, the heavy breathing could be heard down the hall.

"Jaguar in the bathroom, did you'll not here that?" Ichigo said, still trying to catch his breath.

"Nope," they said in unison sipping their tea.

Ichigo clenched his fist. "You assholes just set there having tea while I fought for my life."

"It was for the best Kurosaki…." Toshiro began but paused after staring at Ichigo face. "…what happen to your face?"

This caused everyone to stare at the teen.

"What why is everyone looking at me…is something on my face?" he asked, wiping his face but not feeling anything on it.

"Dada look Kitty," the baby said pointing to Ichigo. Byakuya who was getting used to the child already just patted his head gently.

"WHERE!" Ichigo jumped, mistakenly thinking the baby was talking about Jaguar that he had barely escaped. "I don't see nothing—BYAKYUYA YOU HAVE A KID," Ichigo shouted pointing his infamous index finger at the noble and his new "son".

"BUT HOW!?"

"Well when a man and woman get certain urges…" Shunsui begin his version of the bees and the bird's story.

"I already know that you perverted," he said folding his arm. "I never heard he was dating anybody from Rukia."

"I could say the same for you Kurosaki, Rukia never elucidated your fixation with feline tattoos," Byakuya rebuttal.

"Tattoo?"

"Oi! I think he meant on your face," Shunsui said matter-of-factly, tossing the boy a mirror.

WHAT THE FUCK!" he screamed so loud that all the birds in the perimeter flew away.

"No need for such lewd language Kurosaki," Byakuya reminded him covering the child ears.

Ichigo growled, he was mad-no pissed. His face was now decorated in ink in shape of a kitty, but no not just any kitty, he had seen this kitty many times before in Yuzu's room. He recognized this twinkling-eyed cartoonish character anywhere, it was the hello kitty. The tattoo had covered almost his whole left side of his face. He knew he didn't have the tattoo last night, so when the hell did he get it?

"What the hell happen last night?"

"No one seems to remember after those drinks Yamamoto offered us," Toshiro said, trying to explain their current dilemma.

"What do we do now," he asked after five minutes of rubbing the tattoo, he accepted it was real and gave up. He groaned at the thought of Renji and Rukia non-stop laughing, he knew he was never going to live this down.

"We take Kuji to his wedding and act like none of this never happen," Toshiro said tactfully, he sipped the rest of his tea. Then he thought about how quiet it was, minus Ichigo clamorous shouting, and Shunsui ludicrous rants, he felt like there were missing a key element. He just shrugged it off as over thinking the situation.

Ichigo looked around the room. "It's just one problem with that."

Toshiro rose an inquire eyebrow. "And what would that be Kurosaki?"

"Where the hell is the groom…?"

"..."


	3. Poor Toshiro

_Ichigo looked around the room. "It's just one problem."_

_Toshiro rose an inquire eyebrow. "And what would that be Kurosaki?"_

_"Where the hell is the groom…?"_

Toshiro blinked, looking around the room. There was no sign of the groom. How had he not realize the most important person wasn't here? He really should've seen this coming. Why was he force to come to this bachelor party anyway-sure he was friends with Kuji, but the man was born for disaster. Seriously he burned down the three divisions just the other day. Something about trying to cook ramen noodles without water.

"Where the hell could he have gone?"

Everyone shrugged.

"Let's look around," Byakuya chimed in.

They all nodded in agreement and started the search for the lost captain. They checked around the hotel room and any place the groom could fit in. And since the person was Kuji that was a lot of places. There was no sign of lost captain.

"He ain't here." Kenpachi said throwing his hand up in defeat.

"Oi, did anyone check the roof," Shunsui pointed out.

They all shunpo to the roof and look around quickly hoping he was up there, with no such luck they walk back into the hotel room.

"You do know Soi-Fon going to kill us right?" Toshiro said matter-of-factly. He took a seat on the left half of the couch, Kenpachi taking one on the other side causing the couch to lean upward.

"If you mean stinging us death," Ichigo begin, taking a dramatic paused. "Than yeah we're good as dead."

"Not only did we do god knows what, with god knows who-" Toshiro said his face turning red, "we also got drunk, cut my hair and gave Ichigo a lame tattoo, and on top of that we lost the groom." He knew if they go back to the Soul Society without Kuji, they would either be burned alive or stung to death. Neither sounds better than the next.

Could things get any worse?

Just then Toshiro phones started to ring.

Toshiro inwardly curse fate. He had long forgotten about the phone the Twelfth Division captains had made for everyone to stay in touch. He sighed and reluctantly took the phone out his back pocket, he read the call id and recognizes the number, and it was the last person he wanted to talk to.

"It's Soi-Fon."

"Don't answer it then." Kenpachi said, looking slightly annoyed.

"If he doesn't answer she will get suspicious." Ichigo whisper lowly, as if Soi-Fon could hear them.

Toshiro sighed, he knew he couldn't dodge the inevitable, he reluctantly open the phone and pressed it on his ear.

"Hello?"

"_Captain Hitsugaya," Soi-Fon begin formally. "I tried to call Kuji phone, the baka must have misplaced it again. Can I speak to him?"_

Toshiro rubbed the back of his neck, a habit he just recently picked up.. "Umm, y-you s-see-"

_"Why are you stuttering Captain-" she ask her tone turning deadly,_ _"he is there with __**you **__correct?"_

Toshiro nervously scratches his head, he really didn't want to lie to her. If he told her the truth she would kill them, if they lied and she found out about it she would kill them. Either way ended with his demise. The truth was better than a lie he figured.

"To be truthful Kuji is-"

Kenpachi snatched the phone before Toshiro could finished and said. "Eh, Soi-Fon he's a little shy and dozen want to talk to you right not."

_"He dozen want to talk to me BUT WHY!" Soi-Fon shouted through the phone loud enough for everyone in the room to hear. _Even without her physically being there they still felt the need to take a step back.

Toshiro growled loudly, snatching the phone from the spiky hair captain. "You see Kuji has cold feet and he dozen want to jinx the wedding by speaking to you." He stated trying to make use of his non-existing acting skills, then the baby started to cry loud enough for him to be heard through the phone.

_Was that a baby? What's going on?" Soi-Fon questioned_

"No baby here, it was just Kuji crying for joy because it's his wedding day," Toshiro chuckled nervously. "Well we have to go." He said rushing Soi-Fon off the phone but before he could hang up he could hear her still talking.

_"If he runs off from my wedding day I will kill you all," Soi-Fon said darkly before hanging up the phone, her tone sending shivers down the captains backs._

"Kuji my old-friend where have you gone," Shunsui wailed crying comically tears

Toshiro roughly rubbed his forehead; he was too young for all this stress. Thank goodness his hair was already white. He was sure his therapist (yes he had a therapist, Dr. Shimo to be exacted) would advise him to avoid these type of situations. But for some reason it always seem to happen to him.

"We have to find him or we're dead." Hitsugaya said desperately. He looked around the room once again but this time something caught his eye. He walked over to the wall to see a note posted on the wall.

_Dear Soul Reapers,_

_If you ever want to see your friend _

_Again then you will come meet me_

_Deep in the hollows nest before noon._

_Love,_

_-The Kidnappers Name Muhahaha_

_"_Who the hell puts 'love' in their ransom letter." Kenpachi asked rhetorically. Toshiro nodded in agreement.

"So we have until noon to get there." Byakuya said, his face lopsided from the baby pulling his hair.

"Or die by Soi-Fon and Yamamoto." Toshiro added.

A loud boom of music started to play in the background.

_If you wanna see some action  
>Gotta be the center of attraction<br>Make sure that they got their eyes on you  
>Like a face that you see on every magazine<em>

Ichigo stands with his fist clenching to his side his side, and his feature set with determination. The person singing gets louder.

_Be the focus of attention  
>Be the name that everyone must mention<br>Come out from the shadows it's your time  
>'cause tonight is the night for everyone to see<em>

"Here we go again." Kenpachi let out an indignant snort.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!" Toshiro shouted looking around for the person who was singing.

"That would be Kurosaki cheesy theme song," Byakuya began. "This always plays when he's doing something cool or intense. I do believe this is the time he goes into a rescue speech of some kind."

Shunsui pulled his hat down. "Tell me when he's done."

Ichigo looked to the ceilings thrusting his fist into the air "I can't let her down, it's my fought he was taken. I should have been stronger, I will find him. I will do this all for you Soi-Fon!"

Toshiro glared at Ichigo in his 'superhero' pose. "For Soi-Fon, I thought she hated his guts?"

"The main character-" Byakuya said motioning his hand to Kurosaki, "has to save a damsel in distress which is most likely a young woman or a female sibling. You see Kuji is a male so he needs a woman character to produce a hidden power. Like when he saved Rukia and Inoue."

Kenpachi blinked confused. "Eh, so he's going to pull a track groom power out his ass or something?"

"You see there is a chained of events that must occurred." Byakuya said wisely. "He has to lose first, then he would have to have a near death. Then he will slowly raise on one knee at a time, with a speech on how he can't lose and finally he will use a new power from unknown source."

"So he going to save the day again figures," Toshiro said, petulantly folding his arms.

"Let's go we have to go to the hollow nest to find Kuji," Ichigo said, determination in his voice.

Toshiro sighed. "This is going to be a long day…"

#

"Something is wrong..." Soi-Fon said out loud slamming her phone shut. She was in her room all morning trying to get in contact with Kuji. Now she finds out he didn't want to talk to her. Had she done something wrong? Sure she has threaten him before and stung him with her zanpakuto countless of times, but he wouldn't stand her up would he? If he did the thing she would do to all of them...

"Maybe he just a little nervous," a voice chimed in interrupting her from her thoughts. She didn't have to turn to see who it was.

Soi-Fon sighed in defeated. "But Lady Yoruichi, he didn't even want to talk to me!"

Yoruichi chuckle lightly at her friend formality, why after a hundred of years the girl still called her 'Lady Yoruichi', was beyond her. "Call me Yoruichi." She said and walked over and hugged the younger captain tightly. "Second he might just be nervous about getting married."

"No my Kuji senses are tingling... something bad has happen," Soi-Fon said unsure.

"You know how men get, they're so clueless," another voice chirped in happily.

Yoruichi nodded in agreement. "Rangiku right, men are so clueless to women's feelings."

"Believe us we speak from knowledge," Rangiku reassured. "How he could just leave like that, he betrayed the soul society and leaves me here. After everything we been through, he even told me he loved me. How could I have fallen in love with him? I mean he is one hunk of a man, and when he smiles he send a sensation down my body and-"

"What does that fox-face man have to do with Kuji?"

"OH! What were we talking about?"

"Men being clueless…"

Rangiku snapped her finger.. "Right, my point was men don't pay attention to ours feelings so sometimes we women just have to forgive them," she finished pushing her blondish hair out of her eyes.

"She right, but if it makes you feel any better we'll go see what happen," Yoruichi suggested.

Soi-Fon eyes beamed with happiness at her idol. "Really Lad- I mean Yoruichi you would do that for me?"

"Sure! What are friends for?"

"Yup just leave it to us no need to worry." Rangiku replied cheerfully, smothering Soi-Fon into her massive boobs.

Soi-Fon smiled even though she was losing oxygen fast, she was happy to know she did have friends to help her out. Maybe they were right, men are clueless, she hadn't dated many men before Kuji but she had long ago figure out how men were idiotic, too prideful, clueless creatures. _I don't care how clueless he is_, i_f he misses my wedding, he is dead_; she thought plotting different ways she was going to murder him and his friends. Especially Kurosaki, he would be the first one to die.

#

"We'll like to check out," Toshiro said handing the blonde female receptionist the keys to hotel room. He didn't notice the evil glare the woman was given him.

"So that's it huh...after all we did." She said tearfully staring at the young captain.

"I don't know what you are talking about..?" He said carefully to the blonde receptionist, who as of today he didn't even know existed.

"Don't act coy with me." She said her voice growing wry. "You think I'm a whore that you can you used at your personally time, and throw me away at your whim. Well I have you know I will no longer be your cheap whore!"

Everyone in the room turned their attention to the very shock and confused captain.

"Not bad," Kenpachi said approvingly, looking the woman up and down.

"I taught you well my student," Shunsui said sagely, pumping his chest out.

"I... ... ...Toshiro said.

The recipients just rolled her eyes in disgust.

"So you don't even remember my name?"

"Uhh..."

"It's Natsumi you jerk! I have you know Mr. Shiro-playa that I don't like when men play with my heart and my emotion!"

"I d-don't even know you...I-I-"

SLAP

She had slap him across the face leaving her hand print on the side of his face. "You will pay for this, I promise you I won't ever forget this Shiro!"

She angrily storming out of the lobby, leaving behind five very confused captains.

The room went silenced but everyone face displayed exactly what they were thinking.

Toshiro eyes widen in shock.  
>Kenpachi grinned widely<br>Ichigo held his breath  
>Shunsui smiled like a Cheshire cat.<br>Byakuya raised an eyebrow  
>The baby drooled...a lot<p>

Five minutes later.

"Hahahahahahahah!"

Kenpachi and Ichigo clutched on to each other laughing so hard the room started to shake from their spiritual pressure. Shunsui ranted on about him teaching Toshiro how to be a "playa", and Byakuya who was ignoring the whole scene just wiped the baby mouth with a napkin he had seemly gotten out of thin air.

Toshiro rub the side of his face that was now red, not only from the slap but he was blushing madly from the thought of what he had possible done with the blonde hair woman. _Why I get the feeling I won't see the last of her._

#

Natsumi walked down the hall her heels making a loud "thump" sound as she goes. "He think this is over, well Shiro I promise you I will get my revenge." Natsumi said intertwining her finger together diabolically.

#

"Well this day just can't get worse." Toshiro said glumly walking out the hotel. He swore fate really had it in for him. The haircut was one thing, but now he had learned he had possible slept with a woman who appeared to be twice his age. If Rangiku got a wind of this, he knew she would never let him live this down. This is why he would never drink again...EVER

"Hey isn't that Kuji bed," Ichigo said precisely pointing to the roof. They'll look up to where the teen pointed.

Byakuya nodded. "Yes, I do believe so."

"How the hell did his bed get up there." Toshiro inquired before releasing no one would know. He let out a low sigh. He turn his attention to Ichigo and said. "So Kurosaki what should we do first?"

Ichigo scuffed. "I don't know why the hell you are asking me for?"

Toshiro rolled his eyes, he still to this day couldn't understand how the teen manage to defeat Aizen. It hits him that they didn't even have any weapons. Going to Hueco Mundo without any weapons wouldn't be the smartes ideal.

"I guess first we need to go to the Soul Society to retrieve our weapons."

Ichigo folded his arms. "We can't go back there without Kuji."

"We'll just have to sneak in grab our weapons and get out," Toshiro suggested still rubbing his now swollen face. At this moment he was happy he didn't date girls- not like was was homosexual or anything. He just didn't have time for the drama.

"So you thought you could steal my girl and get away with it," an unfamiliar voice chimed in. The soul reapers spun around to see five men all dressed in biker gear. The one who shouted wore a bandanna that said "leader" on it.

"You know who you are!" The leader said angrily, staring at a certain soul reaper..

They looked among themselves before their eyes landed on the white hair captain. Feeling everyone attention on him Toshiro rolled his eyes.

The leader pointed but not at Toshiro but at Kenpachi. Kenpachi looked around before pointing to himself. "Yeah you eye patch. You think you can steal my girl? Well nobody comes in my hood and thinks the can take my girl."

Why and how thugs there were thugs in the soul society was beyond questioning.

"Eh, I don't know what you're talking about," Kenpachi replied dryly.

"Oi, don't act like you don't remember last night".

"I don't."

"We'll let me remind you." He snaps his finger, each of the thugs jump into different poses, the wind blowing their hair and a light from an unknown source beams on them. "We are the Leaping Fruit cakes."

Silenced and sweat-drops.

"Well that's a pansy name." Kenpachi snorted.

The leader waved his hand in dismissal. "So you have to the count of three to give me back my girl."

"Leave my Ken-Chan alone," another unfamiliar voice chimed in. They turned to see the most beautiful woman ever. She had flawless tan skin, with long blonde hair and blue orbs that could pierce through any man heart. She wore a tight school skirt that showed off her curves with knee-high boots and spaghetti top that flatter her huge chest. Her blue orbs sent a seductive look at all the captains who instantly fell in love with her.

Interruption from the story

Fan fiction God: Umm...Illusive Vixen you do know that she sounds like a Mary-sue right?

Vixen: W-what! No, she is perfect *pumps fist into the air*

Fan Fiction God:*rolls eyes* precisely.

Vixen: Umm...I don't understand...

Fan Fiction God: Flawless skin, men fighting her and the overly used of the word orb. Seriously re-write her or prepare for flame reviews

Vixen:*mumbles* ok I will re-write her...

#

They turned to see a fairly attractive woman wearing an all-white kimono, her unkempt short blue hair dangle in her face beside her brown orbs- I mean eyes. (A/n she was not in any way shape or form a Mary-sue or self-inserted).

"Don't you dare lay a hand on my husband." The blue hair female said.

"Eh look woman you hav-"

Kenpachi was interrupted by the woman who had begun kissing him passionately while the four soul reapers stood their lost for words.

"Kissy," the baby said, Byakuya quickly covered his eyes.

After letting up for air, she placed her hands on her hips. "No need to say no more my husband."

The leader grabbed Yuki's hand "Yuki, why can't we be tighter. I love you baby."

"I need a real man Zuko, and Kenpachi showed me how a real man like in bed." Yuki said seductively biting her bottom lip and going into a rant of sexually poitsion not suitable for children...or teens... Or adults...

The woman continued to rant while Kenpachi stood there very confused; Ichigo and Toshiro looked at the woman in disgust. Shunsui drooled more than the baby, and Byakuya just kept his hands over the child ears.

Zuko cried comically tears. "Yuki pleased, I can become a better man."

The woman waved her hand in dismissal, and turned her back on her ex-lover."Too late I'm a married woman." She said showing her ring. She turned back to Zuko and rose her uniquely strong spiritual pressure."So leave before I get really mad."

The biker men all started to run away while the soul reaper stared still very confused.

"That was quite interesting." Byakuya replied seemly amused. Ichigo and Shunsui nodded in agreement.

"We don't have time for this let's go," Toshiro said walking off, Ichigo, Shunsui and Byakuya followed.

"Eh, don't leave me here with this crazy chick." Kenpachi said but the woman had latch on to him. He tried his hardest not to hurt the woman, pushing her off lightly to the ground. "Look here woman I don't know who-"

Yuki Zaraki." Yuki proclaimed. Kenpachi uncovered eye twitched.

"Look here _**woman**_ I don't know who you are but I ain't your husband got it?"

Yuki smiled. "Don't act like you forgot." She said sadly noticing his confused expression. She pulled out a marriage license and handed it to him. Kenpachi snatched the paper, and reading the bottom he noticed that it was his indeed his signature.

"Hmm..." He said throwing the paper down and walking away.

"Wait for me dear." Yuki yelled jumping on his back.

The group flashed step all the way back to the society making sure to hide their spiritual pressure.

Yuki tilted her head. "Why are we behind a brush snow-flake."

Toshiro flash an annoyed look at the woman. "That's Captain Hitsugaya to you, and Zaraki why did you let her come?"

Kenpachi shrugged his shoulder. "Well she pretty hot, so I won't mind her."

Toshiro rolled his eyes but continued.

"OK everyone go and retrieve your sword and we meet back here."

They'll nod in agreement and flash step (all excepted Kenpachi who just take giant leaps) to their divisions.

#

Toshiro flash step to his divisions, knowing that Matsumoto would not be in the offices doing paperwork he was in the clear he retrieve his sword and flash steps out of there. Ichigo and Byakuya flash step to Byakuya's home and retrieved their swords. Shunsui decide to take a nap for a while. Kenpachi walked into the eleven divisions, knowing that the division sleeps late, well most of the division.

"Kenny your back." A pink hair girl greeted him, appearing out of nowhere.

Kenpachi walked passed her. "Keep it down Yachiru."

Yachiru then notices that Kenpachi had someone on his back, in her SPOT.

"Who are you?" Yarchiru asked jealously in her tone.

Yuki jumped down holding her hand out. "Yuki Zaraki, I'm Kenpachi wife".

Yachiru tilted her head. "You're married to my Kenny?"

"Yup."

Yachiru look at the woman closely from head to toe, Kenpachi just grinned knowing if anyone could chase Yuki away it's Yachiru.

Yachiru frowned. "Hmm I don't like-"

Before she could finish her sentence the woman pulled a huge bag of candy from her bosom.

"Mommy!" Yachiru gushed hugging her new "mommy" tightly around the waist.

Kenpachi just looked at both of the girls, slightly annoyed he grabbed his sword and walk out the division. He felt both girls clutch on his back laughing and talking about "girl stuff". If Yachiru liked her, he knew he would be stuck with the woman forever.

Great like he needed a second Yachiru.

_#_

"Is everyone here now?" Toshiro said, noticing Kenpachi late arrival.

Ichigo looked around. "Well Shunsui hasn't come back."

"Forget him we don't have time to wait for him."

"Hey Icchi," Yachiru said, clinging unto Ichigo shoulder.

"Yarchiru what are you doing here?" Ichigo asked, trying to loosen the girl tight grip but head no such luck.

"I'm here with my new beautiful new mommy." Yachiru said cheerfully. She noticed Byakuya and the baby in his hand. Happily jumping off Ichigo shoulder to her next victim.

"Lieutenant Kusajishi," Byakuya said, not affected by her tight grip.

"Who's the baby?"

"His son," Yuki chipped in.

"I'm going to call him drool mouth." Yachiru cheered.

"His name is Tatsubaki!" Byakuya said almost shouting the child new name. Everyone stared at the usually calm and collected noble sudden outburst.

Silence.

"Ok..." Toshiro said. "Did everyone get their swords?"

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Good now let's get to the hollow nest."

"Hey, Ichigo." a unknown voice chirped in.


	4. Grimmjow's makeover

They all turned around to see someone familiar but out-of-place person. He had short blue hair, all-white attire and a smug look on his face.

"Grimmjow?" Ichigo said, eyes wide.

"The one and only," Grimmjow said mildly. He looked at Ichigo and what he saw made him do a double take.

"Why the hell do you have a cat on your face?"

"You don't want to know."

"What is that you want Espada?" Toshiro asked, wondering why an espada was in the soul society.

"One I'm not a damn Espada no more." Grimmjow stated. "Second all I remember is you guys coming to Heuco Mundo, I of course, being the new ruler of Heuco Mundo challenge you and then that idiot friend of yours gave me something to drink. After that I woke up here and couldn't remember a thing."

"Did he have brown hair and this tall?" Ichigo asked, holding his hand up to how tall the missing groom is.

Grimmjow nodded. "Yeah and he kept going on about some chick name Soi-Fon"

"Does anybody else think Kuji drugs us," Ichigo asked. Everyone nodded to each other in agreement

"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL HIM!" Grimmjow roared.

"Good luck," Ichigo said doubtfully, "someone kidnapped him."

Grimmjow snorted loudly. "Who the hell would kidnap that idiot?"

"We don't know, but we're wasting time here." Toshiro replied, his tone laced with annoyances.

"Well I'm coming with you."

"What would you gain from coming with us?" Byakuya asked, still unsure of the ex-Espada motives.

"Not like I'm doing anything better." Grimmjow said.

"Yeah Angry-chan is coming with us," Yachiru cheered happily, clutching on to his shoulder. Grimmjow frowned at the pink hair child.

"That isn't my name kid, its Grimmjow." Grimmjow corrected.

Yachiru giggled. "Same thing."

"No it's not." Grimmjow said, not backing down from a challenge.

"Yes it is."

"No **_it's_** not."

"Yes it is."

The argument went on for a total of five minutes. A grown man or whatever he was consider arguing with a child, you think he would be the bigger man, but of course not. What do you expected from man with a hole through his stomach, and a skull on his face?

Grimmjow fought down a growl. "No it's not kid, it's completely different."

"Angry-chan is funny too," Yachiru added brightly. Seeing he was getting nowhere with the child, Grimmjow just sighed in defeat.

"Good try." Kenpachi soothe patting his back. Grimmjow hung his head down in shame and went to the corner and kicked the ground, a dark cloud hovering over him..

"So this is where yo guys are?" A black cat pounced in front of them.

"Yoruichi?" Ichigo said. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you guys."

"Well hello you sexy feline," Grimmjow purred.

"How do you know it's a she?" Yuki asked.

"I have my ways," he purred even louder. Yoruichi didn't hear him or choice to ignore the former Espada.

"Someone wants to tell me what's going on?" Youruihi said, her eyes filled with curiosity.

"Are we ever going to get to Heuco Mundo," Toshiro mumbled under his breath.

After another wasteful five minutes, Ichigo who choice to tell Yoruichi the story from the beginning had finally finished. Yoruichi let out a roar of laughter, as she rolled on her back.

Toshiro rolled his eyes. "It wasn't that funny..."

"Well this isn't good," Yoruichi said honestly. She turned her attention to Byakuya, who was still holding his son.

"I must say Bya-boo you do make a good father."

"I'll take that as a complement were-cat." Byakuya said cautiously.

"You do know Soi-Fon going to torture you, than brutal murder you all in cold-blood right?"

"We are very aware of our impending doom."

"I don't know about this Soi-Fon person," Grimmjow began, with lustful eyes. "But you can torture me _any time._"

Youruchi gagged. They were unsure if she was gagging because of his word, or she had a hairball lodged in her throat.

"Before this fetish goes any further…." Toshiro interrupted, turning to Yoruichi. "Do you think you stall for a while?"

"Yeah I might be able to do that, but you guys better hurry."

"I'll just stay here," Grimmjow said in a calm tone, but his face screamed "rape". His face would put Gin to shame. Everyone eyed the former Espada, knowing full well he wasn't staying back out the goodness of his heart. He noticed the doubtfulness glares he was receiving and quickly added.

"You know to help stall..."

"Well don't get yourself killed," Ichigo said carefully.

"Oi, I won't, isn't that right kitten?"

"This is going to be a long day." Yoruichi sighed.

#Twelfth Divisions

"Father you have visitor," Nemu said formally with a bow.

"Yes, yes what is it I'm in the middle of something very important," Kurotsuchi said impatiently never looking up from his work.

Toshiro stepped forward. "We need you to open a gate to Heuco Mundo." He heard the captain sigh deeply.

"I'm very busy on experiments, why do you feel the need to keep interrupting me? This is the third time today."

"Third time?"

"Yes, don't you remember?" Kurotsuchi said. Then he turned around with a devilish grin on his face. "So my pills work once again did they," he asked intertwining his fingers evilly. The male soul reapers looked among each other in disbelief. Kurotsuchi notice their question glances and smiled even wider.

"Ahh, so you must not know about them, my pills I made for Yamamoto was no ordinary pills. No. They're not only powerful but dangerous. The pills make you weak and confused while you may not remember what happens."

"Aww, not that date rape drug again," Ichigo said in matter-of-fact tone. Everyone sent a question glanced his way.

"….." everyone but Ichigo said.

"Not like I use it or anything," Ichigo protested. Everyone just looked away abruptly, no one seemed to believe him but decide to let it go.

"If it's gets you out of my lab," Kurotsuchi said, flicking his wrist, indicating for them to follow.

#

"There is your gate, now stop bothering me with your non-sense," Kurotsuchi said, walking back into his lab Nemu followed closely behind him.

"Great, let's go now," Toshiro said impatiently, he wanted to find Kuji as soon as possible and return back to his boring old office, not worrying about impending death by a crazy bride. He had to admit he missed the simple times in life, sitting in the offices all day, doing his and Matsumoto share of paperwork, she in turns skipping out to go get drunk.

Those were the days.

_Gotta be the center of attractions x3_

"The hell!" Yuki shrieked.

Ichigo stood with determination in his eyes, once again the teen had went into a deep thought.

_"_Not again," Toshiro mumble under his breath, telling from his stance he was going to take while. Did the teen think when he went into deep thoughts that time just stopped? If he was a viewer and this was a show he would think the writer was just stalling for time, why would the teen have to think for a whole thirty minutes? What kind of writer would do such a thing to his viewers?

#Somewhere in Japan.

"Mr. Kubo did you finish this week's manga?"

"I sure did," Kubo said handing the woman his manga. He looked proudly at his accomplishment, the woman not so much.

"Sir, you do know you were still on the part with Aizen?"

"So?"

"How did you go from fighting in the war, to the beach...sir? Don't you think the fans will realize this?"

"Of course not, I'll just make each character dress in barely anything. Those imbeciles won't notice a thing."

Oh, but they did.

#

Kenpachi, Yuki, Yachiru and Toshiro had unearthed a deck of cards in order to pass the time while Byakuya took this extra time to feed his son, who oddly enough started looking more and more like him.

"Go fish," Kenpachi said tiredly. Toshiro drew a card from the deck.

. "Ok everyone lets rock." Ichigo declared, running into the gate.

"…" everyone said and followed the teen into the portal.

#

"So we're we going kitten," Grimmjow asked, following Yoruichi. Yoruichi paused right in her paw tracks and turned around.

"Don't have better things to do?"

"Nope."

Yoruichi let out a low sigh, she was the one used to stalking, not the one being stalk. She now sees how Ichigo and Byakuya felt when she used to annoy them. Those were good times for her, annoying the hell out of them, following them around but she especially like when she transforms in front of them. Their faces were so priceless…then it hit her like a flying rock.

"How would you like to see the true me?" Yoruichi asked.

"Hell yeah," Grimmjow said, his eyes widen and drool already pouring out of his mouth. He was already imagining in his head how the woman-cat truly looked.

"Now prepare to see my true form," Yoruichi said, smoke appeared at the bottom of her paws. The smoke twirled around her now full figure body. The rest of the smoke covered her bosom and lower part of her body.

Grimmjow passed out.

Yoruichi smiled at the sleeping Grimmjow. No matter if the person was dead or alive, it worked every time. She heard someone called for her. She turned around to see Rangiku and Rukia making their way over to her.

"We got your-is that who I think it is?" Rangiku asked.

"Don't worry about him we have bigger problems."

Yoruichi began telling them what happen with Kuji, and how the others left to find him, making sure to tell them every detail.

"You mean captain went drinking without me?" Rangiku pouted childishly..

"Umm Rangiku," Rukia said,"don't you think we have bigger problems?"

"Is it bigger than your new nephew?"

"Yes, if we don't stall Soi-Fon going to kill them all," Rukia said truthfully, even though the image of her brother with his new "son" brought a small smile to her face.

"Rangiku you keep Soi-Fon distracted, Rukia you entertain the families and I'll handle head captain myself." Yoruichi said tactfully. The women nodded in agreement.

"Sexy feline….." Grimmjow said sleepily. Rukia and Rangiku looked at Yoruichi.

Yoruichi placed her hand up in dismissal. "Don't worry I'll handle him," she said reassuring them. It wasn't like he was a threat to her any way. Rukia and Rangiku reluctantly nodded and flash step off.

"I could just dump him somewhere," Yoruichi suggested, knowing he was pretending to be asleep.

"Hey I heard that," Grimmjow said, getting up.

Yoruichi ignored him and began to think on how she could stall the head captain. How could she stall the captain, without raising any suspicion? How would someone go about stalling an old, lonely, sexual deprived man who highlights of his day is drinking tea in his room? Then a devilish plan came to her mind.

Yoruichi smirked and folded her arms under her bosom, which got Grimmjow full attention.

"Mind helping out a fellow feline Grimmy?"

Grimmjow eyes glinted with comically hearts. "For you kitten, anything?"

_"You're going to hate you said that,"_ she thought evilly.

#Heuco Mundo

"We're here," Byakuya said upon arrival at Heuco Mundo.

"No shit Sherlock, "Yuki muttred, at Bykuya obvious statement.

"So, where do we start?" Ichigo asked.

Everyone eyes landed on a certain snow-hawk captain.

"Me?" Toshiro asked, pointing to himself in childish manner.

"You're the leader after all." Ichigo replied.

"When the hell did this happen?"

"Back at the hotel when you took control of the situation."

"What…?"

"You see," Byakuya begin, "when we didn't know what to do; you took control thus making you the dominated male and the undecided leader." Byakuya could still see Toshiro was very confused.

"Think about the alpha male anatomy, you're good-looking, display confidence and dominance. Thus you're an alpha male and that is why you're the leader."

Kenpachi grinned. "That's sound about right."

"Byakushi so smart!" Yachiru gushed.

"Yup." Yuki agreed.

"Couldn't have put it a better way," Ichigo agreed sombrely.

"I work with a bunch of idiots," Toshiro mumbled grimly walking off towards the forest, a part of him hoping he would be killed by a hollow.

#

"So let me get this right," Grimmjow began,"I have to dress like this?"

Grimmjow was wearing a very tight red dress, a padded bra with a pair of white strappy heels and a blue lace wig. He couldn't help but wonder why the hell did he agree to this?

"Un-huh." Yoruichi nodded.

"Then try to seduce an old man?"

"Yup."

"While losing my self-respect and dignity in the process?"

"Wow, you catch on quicker than Ichigo."

#

"ACHOOOOOOO" Ichigo sneezed. _Why do I get the feeling someone talking about me._

#

"Why the hell would I do that? If I don't die of embarrassment I'll most likely be killed by the old man," Grimmjow protested.

"You said you would help so, just read what I have on the board and you will do fine." Yoruichi reassured.

"What do I get outta of this?"

Yoruichi smiled and whispered in his ear, whatever she said the former espada eyes widen and he took off in the nearest direction. How he was able to run so fast in heels was beyond the goddes of flash-step.

"Yamamoto back this way..." Yoruichi said dryly.

#

"Why do I get the feeling something bad going to happen," Toshiro said. Toshiro has learned to listern to his first mind. When he felt like something was going to happen it always did. He had this same feeling during the fiasco with Rukia's execution. He felt there was more to the execution, hell he even went the chambers to investigate. He wasn't wrong then, and he was sure he wasn't wrong now.

"Hawk-chan scared," Yarchiru teased. Toshiro winced at the child's nickname.

"That's captain—oh never mind," he said, knowing what happens when you try to argue with Yarchiru.

"What's the worst that could happen than short stuff?" Kenpachi replied.

Toshiro rubbed his temples. "We're in Heuco Mundo where many hollow nests are, and to add that you, and Kurosaki are emitting a lot of spiritual pressue. Which this could cause hollows to appear and try to kill us. That's the worst that could happen."

Ichigo waved his hand in protested. "Come on like that would every happ-"

Just then many six-foot stories tall Gillian's appeared and surrounded them.

"Monste,'" Tsubaki cheered.

"WHY DO YOU HATE ME!" Toshiro wailed, looking into the sky.

#

Captain Commander Yamamoto was on his way to his grandson wedding. He was proud of his grandson finally deciding to settle down. He remembers when he was his age, the glories of being young. He was never one to chase women but he did have his fair share of them. He couldn't help but chuckle; he was very "adventures" when he was younger. How he would kill to just be young for just one day. He was grateful to be alive as long as he has been, but after the the first thousand year, everything just becomes so mundane and repetitive. No one was trying to take over the soul society, there were no impending doom. Everything was just the way it was supposed to be.

God, he had a boring life.

"Excuse me handsome," a voice chimed in, he turned to see the most beautiful woman he has ever seen (note his eye site isn't what it used to be either). He looked around; there was no way this beautiful woman was talking to him right?

"Are you talking to me?"

"Am I…" Grimmjow said quickly, the man was old. Not the grandparent old, no he was ancient old. He could've sworn he saw dust fly off the man. He noticed Yoruichi holding up a sign. He read off,

"Oh…. yes do you see any other handsome men around Captain Yamamoto?"

Yamamoto blushed. "Well you do have a way with words my dear," he said kissing her/his hand. "So what is your name my dear?"

Yoruichi signed read "_Yuni."_

"Umm, can't see that shit." Grimmjow mumbled.

"Did you say shit?"

"No... It's…uhh Grimmlady!"

_*Yoruichi face-palm*_

"Grimmlady?" Yamamoto began rubbing his beard, thinking about the rather odd name. "Well that's different."

"I like being different." Grimmjow added smoothly.

"Well I was on my way to see my grandson, but you're far more deserving of my attention how about we go _eat lunch_?" Yamamoto said slightly purring the last words. Grimmjow noticed the old man had warped one arm around his waist. At this time he really started to hate his life...

Yoruichi pointed to the sign that read "_Say yes!"_

"Say yes…?" Grimmjow/lady read precisely off the sign.

"Umm…. well then shall we?"

#

"Hey-" *HIC* "Soi-fooooooooooooon." Rangiku slurred, skipping into Soi-Fon room. It was obvious she had stopped for drinks before she had arrived there. Soi-Fon sighed, already accustomed to the drunken woman.

"Rangiku I have no time for you non-sense, did you find out what happen to Kuji?" Soi-Fon asked, somewhat doubtful the strawberry blonde even went looking for him.

"I do, but' it's a secret." Rangiku said, holding a childish finger to her lips.

Soi-fon held a breath. "Well where is he?"

"He got soooooo drunk without me," Rangiku said pointing to herself. "An' now he-" *HIC* "gone," she finished with a yawn, lying on the bed.

She grabbed the drunken woman shaking her for answers. "Gone you mean he's not coming to our wedding?"

Rangiku said the most logical thing that came to her mind. Which, coming from a drunk woman, wasn't at all logical.

"Maybe he found another woman?"

Soi-Fon snapped.


	5. Snapped

Soi-Fon snapped. Her eyes turning a blood-shot red, her tiny body begin to shake with anger. Lighting could be heard from outside, clashing against the buildings. Wolves had began to howl at the moon. White foam begin to come out her mouth. She dashed out the window with her zanpaktou in hand, vowing revenge on the nearest men she sees.

Rangiku who was still very drunk, just blinked confused and said. "*Hic* was it something I said?"

#

Juushiro was taking his daily stroll through the soul academy. He loved being outside, the fresh air was always so refreshing, and endearing. Today was a great day for him, his sickness wasn't too bad, and he felt better then he had in years. The birds were chirping, the plants growing in sync, and the angel were singing from the heavens.

This was a great day to be alive.

Walking back towards his barracks, his eyes landed on a similar raven-hair woman, standing in the shadow wearing a wedding dress.

"Captain Soi-Fon, wonderful day were having," he said cheerfully, not noticing the runaway bride vicious glares. "What are you doing out here? Aren't you suppose to be getting ready for you wedding?" He asked sagely. She took a step out the shadows, he then notice her vicious appearances.

Red eyes, white foam, werewolves howling at the moon, and low growling could only mean one thing.

Soi-Fon had gone nuts.

"Oh my." he gasped taking a step back.

Shunsui was walking by to inform his friend of the current situations, he had heard rumors that Soi-Fon has lost her sanity. Of course the rumors was spread by a very drunk, and delusional woman. But he had to at least get to Juushiro just in case, he hoped the others would find Kuji in time since he fell asleep and miss the portal.

Shunsui spotted his white hair friend. He quicken his pace towards him. "Oi, Juu you won't believe what happen with Kuji and Soi-Fon..." he trailed off when his eyes landed upon the person he was trying to warn his friend about.

Shunsui rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Oh, hey Captain Soi-Fon... you look rather well today."

Soi-Fon eyes darted towards Shunsui. Her hands on the hilt of her zanpaktou. "You!" She shouted pointing a accusing finger at the flamboyant captain. He shoot his hands up in defense. "You knew Kuji would stand me up! You both knew!"

Jushiro just stared confused, not knowing what was going on. All he knew was Soi-Fon had gone off her rocker, and that spells trouble for the Soul Society. Well mostly for him and Shunsui, since she was convinced they had done something.

"Captain Soi-fon, I assure you we-"

Before Juushiro could finish Soi-fon had manage to tie them both up, and had striped them of their zanpakotus. She let out a loud growl that could be heard over in the first division. Thunder clash, and roared from the sky.

"That was fast," Jushiro said mildly, trying to wiggle out the ropes with no prevail.

Shunsui let out a deep sigh. "Such a woman," he said admiring the psycho bride, who in turns kick him in the ground.

"Ouch!"

"Silences!" Soi-Fon said in a icily vicious tone, gaining the male captains attention. "You both will pay with you heads!" She said intertwining her fingers in a diabolical way, and letting out a laugh that sounded more like a wolf howling to the moon.

Soi-Fon paused when she saw a figure heading their way.

"Good morning Captain Utitake, and Captain Kyoraku," the seven seat of the fourth division Yamada Hanaruto greeted, oblivious that the captains were tied up.

Yamada who was the inconspicuous member of the fourth division, he wasn't really the most observing type. He try to steer clear of trouble, that's why he had chosen to join the fourth division. He knew there he wouldn't never run into trouble, or life threaten situations.

How wrong he was.

Yamada noticed the raven-hair captain." O-oh and morning Captain Soi-fon," he greeted with a formal bow. He looked up to see Soi-Fon smiling. He had never seen her smile before, it even seem kind of wrong on her. He felt a cold breeze run through his whole body.

"Run while you still can!" Shunsui cried out, that earn him a slap across the head from Soi-Fon.

"Ouch!"

"U-uhh, c-captain Soi-Fon is something wrong," he said in pure terror, taking a step back from the bride.

Soi-Fon neck twitched to the side. "Yes it is. And you all will all pay! Seize them!" she shouted in demanding tone. With a snap of her fingers the stealth squad appeared leaping from the tree and surrounding them.

Juushiro sighed heavily."Well this isn't how I planed my day."

#  
>"Hey Rukia you needed me," Renji said, jogging towards the raven-head female.<p>

She was standing by the church, where the wedding was being held. She wonder how in the world a church got here, but she learned to never question what happens in the soul society. Always expect the unexpected is what she would tell herself.

Rukia nodded, dragging him inside. "Yeah, I need you to help me stall Captain Yamamoto's wedding."

"Stall for what?"

"Captain Yamamoto has gone M.I.A!"

Renji eyes bugged a inch out of his head. "Oh my spirit king he's dead!" He shouted. Rukia hit him across the head.

"Oww."

"No, missing in action dumb ass, my brother and the others went to find him. But till they do we need to stall," Rukia replied, stopping by the door where the services was being held.

"This is bad, you know Captain Soi-Fon going to go nuts if she finds out," Renji said, he winced at the thought of it. Captain Soi-Fon was know to be a on edge all the time. When she started dating Kuji, she had melody out...alot.

Rukia shook her in disagreement. "No she won't, lieutenant Matsumoto is distracting her," Rukia said slowly realizing who was left in charge of the bride.

They both looked at each other with a knowing look.

"Aww shit!" they said in unison.


	6. Sick? No way!

"We must be in the forest of menos," Byakuya said stating the obvious yet again. Yuki rolled her eyes.

"They're just the low class menos should be no problem for you pretty-boy," Yuki jested.

"Yeah, but wherever menos are a Adjucha isn't far away," Toshiro perceived, grabbing the hilt of his sword.

"Daddy, it a monstor!" Tsubaki said, with tears forming in his little eyes.

Byakuya cradle the child to his chest. "I will protected you my son."

"..." everyone said with a sweat-drop.

"You do know your not his father right," Ichigo said mildly, trying to bring the noble back to reality.

Byakuya paid no mind, he was now sure after this whole two hours he was this child father. Ok, unless Hisana had a child before she passed away, he hadn't been with a woman since. He was a man, true, but he didn't crave sex like some barbaric peasant. He respected woman enough, not to use them for their body, but for their mind. To respect them, and their bodies.

God, he really didn't get no action.

"Look like they're blocking us," Ichigo said, looking for the exit that had been covered by the menos.

Toshiro grabbed his sword. "Looks like we have to fight," he said coolly, sixing each hollow up.

"Now your talking." Kenpachi smiled, grabbing the hilt of his sword. "Hold on tight girls, I'm about to rampage!"

"Yeah Kenny!" Yuki, and Yarchiru cheered in unison

The soul reapers reached for their zanpaktou, each with their own unique battle cry and stance.

Byakuya dropped his sword into the ground. "Chire-"

Toshiro held his sword towards the sky. "Rain over the frosted heaven-"

Kenpachi released a large amount of spiritual pressure, waving his sword at his side. "Hahahahah!"

Ichigo held his overly large sword in front of him. "Bankai!"

"..." everyone said including the menos, glaring at the teen.

Kenpachi scoffed loudly. "Show-off."

"Seriously Kurosaki was that necessary?" Toshiro inquired, wondering why the teen choose to go Bankai in the most inopportunity time.

"Yes, it was," Ichigo said shamelessly, throwing his sword over his shoulder. He was Ichigo Kurosaki, he shouldn't have to explained why he does anything for no discernible reason.

"Really, on the low class menos, four captain-class could handle easily, you thought Bankai was needed?"

Ichigo waved the comment off. "I thought it was time to use it, since you all had cool call outs I had to do something to stand out."

"That makes no since!"

"Yes it does, because if this was a anime, wouldn't I most likely be the main character? So my fans would want me to do cool thing, such as Bankai."

"I see no sense in getting work up Hitsugaya, he uses his Bankai in every fight," Byakuya said sagely. He had fought the teen on enough occasions to know, Ichigo thought screaming bankai was the best thing since living.

Toshiro rolled his eyes in disagreement. "Still was unnecessary..."

"Less talking, more killing," Yuki chided over Kenpachi's shoulder. The soul reapers nodded and engaged the menos.

"We need to find the Adjucha, once we killed him that will put a end to them," Toshiro said, cutting down another menos. They just kept coming, each time he would killed one, ten more would take his place.

"There's the Adjucha," Yuki said pointing to the large blue hollow.

"I'll handle him!" Toshiro said holding his sword to the sky and bringing down more ice on the menos. He charges towards the Adjucha, his sword in the air as he leaped. This was time to shine, he could feel the adrenaline rushing in his body.

"Ban-"

Before he could even finish, Ichigo had sent a getsuga tenshō, and killed the large hollow. Toshiro cried comically tears, once again he had been overshadow by the teen.

"I hate my life," Toshiro announced, holding his head in shame.

The menos stop fighting, and stood froze in place. Not by Toshiro but by the shock of seeing their leader die. Usually once the Adjucha was killed, the menos who wasn't that bright, would scatter into different directions.

But these menos just stood in silence.

"We're free!" one shouted, breaking the silences. The other menos started to cheer.

"I can finally live my dreams," another added happily.

"I can be a dancer like I always wanted to be!" a lizard-like menos said putting on a pink tutu, which looked ridiculous on him.

"Come on everybody, let's go to the human world and live out our dreams," one said, opening a gate to the living world. The menos all follow pursuit, and went off to live prosperous lives.

Dead silences.

Kenpachi scratched the back of his head. "Uh, what the hell just happen?"

#

Juushiro eyes slowly flutter open. He put his hand over his forehead, his head felt woozy, and he smelled of pure angst. He looked around to see he was inside a jail room.

"Oh, Captain Utitake, you're awake," a voice greeted. He looked to see Yamada, and Shunsui sharing the same jail cell.

Juushiro nodded wary. "Yes I'm fine. But where are we?"

Shunsui rubbed his chin, observing the jail cell. Chains, bars, and one bed. He had seen places like this before. "From experiences I would say some type of underground sex dungeon, " he suggested cleverly.

Juushiro choice to ignored his friend's ludicrous assumption. He turned towards the droopy eye medic. "Yamada, do you know what happen?"

"I think Soi-Fon said something about all men are pigs," Yamada said rubbing his head, everything was still a blur for him as well.

"All I can remember is sting, and death it's pretty foggy after that," Shunsui added brightly. "Oh, I came to warn you about Kuji went missing, and that she might possible went crazy."

"This isn't good," Juushiro said, with a weary sigh. "Poor thing must think he stood her up, than of course she would go crazy. Its Soi-Fon for goodness sake."

"I never knew Captain Soi-Fon could move so fast, and deadly. I see why Kuji marrying her," Shunsui said drafting off into his own little world with him and the crazy bride doing things that aren't appropriate for children minds.

Juushiro looked at his friend, with a slightly disturb look in his eyes. "I can't understand how that turns you on."

"Deadly and Beautiful, you don't know if she going to stab or kiss you."

"You never cease to amaze me."

"How can are we going get out of here?" Yamada asked.

Shunsui thought for a second, before snapping his fingers. "I have an idea, fake sick," he said turning to face his snow-hair friend. Juushiro looked at him with a bewilder expression.

"Why?"

Shunsui gave him a knowing smile. "Trust me, just do it."

Juushiro had heard those same words from Shunsui many time. Trust me he would say, then they would end up in even more trouble then before.

He could remember one incident when they were younger, Shunsui had convince him to help him steal Captain Yamamoto's cane. Why his friend wanted to steal it was beyond his imagination. He tried to convince Shunsui it was a bad idea, but Shunsui used those so ever faithful words .

Trust me.

And the kind person he is he did, and they both ended up going to the hospital for first-degree burns.

But Juushiro was a forgiving person, but one day he might not be so forgiving.

One day...

Juushiro just nodded, trusting his friend once again. He begin to cough rapidly, clutching his chest. His coughs grew louder and louder. After a while his coughs went from fake to real, the only person that realize his was Yamada.

"Help, we need assist my friend he's dying from...ummm seconpolacorus," Shunsui said, yelling for the nearest guard.

"Oi, I-I don't think that's a real diseases..." Yamada said nervously.

Shunsui placed a childish finger to his mouth making a "shhhh," sound.

The guard sauntered over, and saw Juushiro clutched over, gasping for air. "What's wrong with him?"

"My friend he's dying," Shunsui lied, not noticing Juushiro was really choking, and needed help. "A over achiever I see," his voice dropped low so only Juushiro could hear.

"C-can't breath," Juushiro said pleadingly, clasping his chest for air, his eyes rolling to the back of his head.

"I think he's really sick," Yamada said consolingly, patting the captain gently on his back.

The guard reached in his pocket, and pulled out his keys and said, "hold on I'm coming in."

He open the gate and Shunsui immediately knocked him over the head. He beck his hand for them to follow. Juushiro who was still having an attack was helped up by Yamada. They manage to escape to an underground passages. Taking cover in the nearest bush, which happen to be one of those things that appeared out of no where..

"You know, you can stop acting now," Shunsui repiled, looking at his friend who was still coughing.

"I'm not acting," Juushiro finally said when caught his breath. He flicked his hair out of his hair, and gather his breath.

"I really was really having a attack."

Shunsui eyebrows flustered in confusion. "Attack?"

"I'm sick Shunsui," he said tiredly, hoping this was another of Shunsui jokes. He examine Shunsui face waiting for him to start laughing, but he never did.

"You didn't know I was sick?"

"What! When did you get sick?"

"Shunsui, I been sick my hold life."

"Really, I just thought it was a act."

Juushiro almost tripped over his own two feet. How could his friend for over a hundred years think he was faking? Shunsui had done and said a lot of uneducated thing since he had known him. But this had to be the most outrages one of them all.

" I have tuberculosis for goodness sake, my hair even turn from black to white."

Shunsui eyes almost bugged out his head at the news. "W-what! I thought you dyed your hair, and fake being sick to make Retsu notice you."

Juushiro expression grew even more wary ,and his eyes held a questioning look. "So. you thought I been making all this up to pick up women?"

"Uh, yeah pretty much," he answered honestly.

Surprise and then displeasure flared in his face. Juushiro let out a heavy sigh. Knowing next what must be done. This was the last trike, this was the last time he would forgive his best friend.

"Shunshi."

"Yeah?"

"I don't think this friendship can work anymore."


	7. The fillers

_Sorry it took me so long to update, but I'm back and ready._

"Well that was interesting," Toshiro said, still flabbergasted by what just happen.

"You must be the Soul Reapers looking for your friend." a voice greeted. The soul reapers turn to see a fairly handsome man with red spikey hair. He was wearing a soul reaper kimono, but he was wearing a fur over his shoulders.

Yuki, Yarchiru, and Tatsubaki drooled...alot. All for different reasons. Yuki drooled because he was hot. Yarchiru drooled because his hair was the same color as her favorite candy flavor. And Tatsubaki just drooled...well because he was a baby.

Toshiro roses an inquire eyebrow at the person walking up. His hands still on his hilt as defense. "Who're you?"

"My name Ashido Kano," the red-head answered with formalities.

"Are you the kidnapper?"

"Nope," Ashido answered simply. "Just a messenger, I can take you to them if you want."

Toshiro didn't look to convince. "Give us a second." He flick his wrist indicating for the others to huddle around him.

"Does anyone else find this strange?" Toshiro whispered lowly.

"Like how baldy?" Yuki repiled, wiping the drool from her face.

Toshiro jaw twitched up into a freighting look. That word, he hated that word. Oh, he had been called that once before in his life. The word still hunted him. He even had dreams about a snaggletooth monster, with pigtails. She would chase him through the forest yelling "baldy" and "pervert".

"No, make it stop!" Toshiro cried out, grabbing both sides of his head, shaking back and forth

"Snap out of it!" Ichgio pimp-slapped the snow-head captains face as hard as he could. The usually tan boy was now pinker than Yarchiru hair.

"Snow-chan face is pink." Yarchiru giggled.

Toshiro blinked, snapping back into reality. He rubbed the now bruising side of his face. "Oh right...what was I saying," he said with a deep sigh, remembering it was only a dream.

"Why we shouldn't let Mr. Sexy show us the way," Yuki reminded him.

Toshiro thought back to his last thought. " Oh right, he a strange man in a cove, mysteries demeanor, looks like a soul reaper, and just so happen to know us..."

"Nope nothing out the ordinary," Ichigo said waving his hand in dismals.

Kenpachi just shrugged. "Can't be any worse than just wonder around hopelessly."

"And who can resist that hot chunk of sexy meat," Yuki added admirably, drooling even more.

"Don't speak such a manner around my son. He is still in his learning state, I would hate for him to pick up such foul language," Byakuya said primly, covering the child ears and then walked away.

"Does anyone else thinks he taking this shit a bit far?" Kenpachi asked his peers, they all nodded in agreement. They looked over to see the noble busy changing the babies diapers. Where he got a diaper, wipes, and a changing table was beyond them.

A lot of things today had been beyond them.

Ichigo drew his sleeve back, and looked at his watch. "We don't have time for this, the wedding starts in a few hours."

Toshiro nodded in agreement. They really didn't have any other options. He turned facing the mysterious man, who was sitting on a nearby rock.

"Alright take us to your leader."

#

Yamamoto had taken Grimmlady to the finest restuurant in the soul society. Many passing people had noticed the so called female looked like a man in a wig, and dress. Some of those people were soul reapers, and vaguely remember the blue-head course they would never confirm their suspicious with the head captain. Getting burned to a crisp wasn't on their to-do list.

Yamamoto leaned his chin on his hands. "Tell me why someone as beautiful as you are is still single?"

Grimmjow who was on the verge of throwing-up, instead let out a snort. He looked over and read the sign Yoruichi wrote. "Uh, well I been looking for the right man." he read directly off the sign. How she heard the conversation all the way outside was beyond him.

"Well search no more."

Grimmjow rolled his eyes in disgust, and read the sign. "Yes, I hope so to..." he said dryly.

Yamamoto took the chance to slide over closer to Grimmlady, nearing her/his face.

Grimmjow panicked, knowing full well what the undercover pervert was trying to do. He had to think or something, he saw Yamamoto lips pucker up and nearing him.

Oh, god even his lips had wrinkles.

"Umm," he said looking around. "Look, there's Chris Brown assaulting another young girl!" He pointed a exaggerated finger in the most random direction.

Yamamoto bolted up, with his cane that held his zanpaktou in his hand. His fire blazed outside of his body. Grimmjow took this chance to slide away from the old-man.

"How dare he! Where is that young punk!" He shouted making the whole room shake from his spiritual pressure. Grimmjow and the people passing by were brought to their knees, some even started to choke due to the high mount of pressure he was releasing

Grimmjow let out a subtle cough into his hand. "Oh, it was just Charlie Sheen," he said quickly, feeling the spiritual pressure almost crush him.

Note to self: Old man has a stronger spiritual pressure than Aizen.

Yamamoto sighed, relaxing back into the booth. "He can slide, I do enjoy watching two and half men," he said calmly.

Grimmjow wiped the sweat from his brow. "How about we do something else," he asked before the old mam tried to put the moves on him again.

Yamamoto stoked his beard. "Yes, how about we go to the beach," he said not asking. Before Grimmjow could even answer he was already motioning for the door.

"Just let me grab my spido," Yamamoto said in a cheerful tone.

Grimmjow fainted.  
>#<p>

"I get this strange feeling I seen you before," Ichigo said looking Ashido up, and down. He had this nagging feeling he had been here before. It was almost like he had been here but really didn't. Almost like a filler in his mind, or something.

"Does anybody else feel like something happen, but then it really didn't, but in reality it did? Does that make any since?" Ichigo asked, knowing that one of them should be able to answer his question.

"Nope." Toshiro and Kenpachi said in unison.

"Not at all." Byakuya chimed in.

"Must been a filler," Yuki added brightly.

Ichigo just sighed in defeat, what" helpful" friends he had. "Whatever."

"We are here," Ashido said, pausing then open the door.

The soul reapers walked into the dark room, then a spotlight flashed on them.

"You finally arrive soul reapers."


	8. Got Game?

"I must say you look very beautiful in a bikini," Yamamoto purred into Grimmlady ear. He was wearing nothing but a leopard spido, and sandals.

To many passing people dismay.

Yamamoto had taken Grimmlady to the soul society beach. Another places that had appeared in the Soul Society out of nowhere.

Grimmjow growled, yes he was wearing a bikini! But no way in hell did he look beautiful. His legs was hairy and bulky, he had no breast since he took the pads out, so the bikini top could fit over his man pecks. His stomach had a huge hole in it; how the hell that wasn't a dead-indicator he was a former Espada he didn't know. His arm was just as muscular as the man next to him, and he was wearing shorts that came to his knee.

What the hell was sexy about that?

"Geez ,thanks, your not so bad yourself," he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Yamamoto closed the gap between them. "So, tell me what do you do for a living?" He said reaching for Grimmlady hands. Grimmjow quickly dug his hands into his pocket.

"I beat the shit out of people, and rip them into pieces with my bare hands." Grimmjow declared pounding his fist together. He then realize how wrong that sounded, and let out subtle cough. "I mean I'm a martial art teacher," he said covering up quickly.

Yamamoto let out a knowing "ah". He moved closer to Grimmlady, who seemly kept moving further away. "I see why your arms are so strong, so tone, so enduring." He rubbed Grimmlady arms tenderly, which made Grimmjow winced. "How about we finish this at my place?" He said, not waiting for her/him to answer, he begin to drag him towards his house.

Grimmjow eyes filled with comically tears. Trying to break free, but that man had a firm grip on his arms. Not knowing where Yoruichi was hiding. He turned to the nearest brush and mouth "help me."

#

"Dance my pretty dance. "Rukia said poking Renji in the ribs, he was dressed in a chappy outfit curiosity of Rukia.

Renji growled. "I'm going to kill you."

Rukia chuckled. "I'm just joking, come on its now or ever," she said dragging him on the stage.

"When is this wedding going to start," a voice yelled.

"Who are you, and where is my cousin, " a woman's voice chipped in.

"Hello everyone, my name is Rukia Kuchiki, the bride and groom just need a little more time. If You all cou-"

"What happen, did that imbecile that calls himself a man stand her up," a female said, she resembled Soi-Fon the only differences was, her face held aged and wisdom. If Rukia had to guess the person was Soi-Fon mother.

Not good.

"How dare you such acquisitions about my cousin!" A voiced boomed across the room. "If anything he came to his sense and left that ill manner gamine."

"What did you say!" The Soi-Fon look alike shouted.

"You heard me, or is your head to fair up the Shihoin clan behinds."

"Oh, how dare you insult the Shuhoin clan. The god and goddess of this world with their perfect moca skin. You shall pay for such insults with you head."

"Tough crowd," Renji smirked seemly enjoying the nobles argument.

Both families had started to shout back and forth. Rukia sighed and walked out on stage.

"SHUT UP!"

The room grew silent, and every attention was on the raven-hair girl.

Rukia blushed lightly at her outburst. "Thank you," she said with a subtle cough. "Now will you all take you seat, and act like the nobles you are suppose to be."

Rukia pulled Renji the Chappy on stage. "Please excuse this minor delay, and enjoy this performance called Chappy the Rabbit."  
>#<p>

"W-why," Shunsui whined childishly for what seem to be the hundredth time.

Juushiro kept walking, shooting a glance over his shoulder. "You really didn't know I was sick?"

Shunsui shook his head. "No, I had no idea."

Juushiro paused looking at his ex-best friend. "So, I guess you thought I also fake sick to get out of paperwork as well?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Shunsui said with little to no thought about it.

Juushiro was tried of being the forgiving friend, he forgave Shunsui when he took his girlfriend. He forgave Shunsui when he accidently knock his tooth brush in the toilet and didn't tell him. He even forgave him when he took very private picture of him and gave them to the women shinigamai for money.

But this was too far.

"And that is why we're not friend any more." Juushiro answered calmly.

"N-not to be r-rude, but how are we going to get out of here," Yamada asked timidly. He didn't want to sound mean, but their feuding wasn't helping them at all.

"Well Hanaruto, and ex-friend,"Juushiro begin, Shunsui let out a sigh. "We need a disguise."

"How about we steal some of the guards clothes," Shunsui suggested cleverly, hoping to win back a few points with his friend.

Juushiro choice to acknowledge his suggestion."Hanaurto, please tell my ex-friend that was a good idea for once in his life."

"Uh, Captain..." Yamada begin.

"Aww, Juushiro don't be like that," Shunsui interrupted. Juushiro folded his arms and looked the other way

Yamada held his hand up. "Sir, how are we going to get some clothes?"

"Easy my boy," Shunsui said pointing to a store that read "Ninja disguises" on it.

Juushiro blinked. "Well, that's convenient."  
>#<p>

The soul reapers recognize the kidnappers.

"The bounts?" Ichigo asked no one in particular. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Yuki rolled her eyes at the orange hair teen. "So, you remember the boring filler but not sexy hot Ashido, who I must add is an awesome filler."

"Thanks," Ashido said smiling, Yuki blushed.

Kenpachi let out a "hmph," sound, seemly jealous.

"But not more sexy than you Kenny," Yuki clarified.

Jin shrugged. "Eh, we don't get enough love so the writer thought we should do something useful and kidnapped your friend."

"But we are no longer the bouts we are Its The Kidnappers Name Muhaha," Mabashi corrected.

Yarchiru blinked."Muhaha?"

"No. Are you deaf our name is Its The Kidnappers Name Muhah."

"That what she said Muaha?" yuki added brightly.

This went on for awhile.

"Who cares about the damn name.." Ichigo finally said.

"I agree." Toshiro said rubbing his throbbing head. "What have done with Yamamoto?"

Jin folded his arms. "Oh, your friend is safe and sound. For now. But if you want him back your going to have to beat us."

The soul reaper looked at each other.

"That, shouldn't be too hard," Kenpachi said with a shrug.

Ichigo frowned. "Are these guys even a challenge?"

Sawatari rosed his hand up. "No, you must be mistaken, we didn't mean in a fight."

"Yeah, you would have lost horribly." Yuki chuckled, shaking her head at the thought.

Yoshi flick her hair out her face. "We challenge you all to a game of basketball."

Jin, and Mabashi pulled a curtain down, reviling a fully design basketball court. The court would make America's basketball court look like child-play. .

"You like, we made it our self." Jin said proudly, thrusting his fist into the air.

"Too much free time on your hand," Yarchiru said looking into a camera that appeared out of nowhere.

The Kidnappers Name Muhaha threw off their clothes, reviling a blue and white Jersey underneath. They had also made their jersey themselves, they really did have too much free time on their hands.

The soul reapers sweat-dropped.

"So what do you say?" Yoshi asked looking at the soul reapers.

"Do we even have a choice," Toshiro said in a matter-of-factly tone. He knew if he wanted to save himself form being stung to death, he had to do this.

Yes, fate truly did not like the snow-head captain.

Jin drew a ball from his bag. " TKNM vs. the soul 5." he announced.

"Let the games begin"

#

"Ok, so does anyone besides me know how to play basketball?" Ichigo asked.

"Che, its simple I seen it a few times," Kenpachi replied.

Byakuya nodded. "As have I."

"I never heard of this game called 'basketball'," Toshiro said hanging his head down in shame. Once again he was the only one that was confused. He needed to get out the office more, he always plan to but that buxom lieutenant of his would always ditch him with all the paperwork.

He was going to find new lieutenant one of these days.

"No your not," his other mind kicked in.

"Shut up!" Toshiro thought to his other mind.

"Forgive me." He recognize the owner voice.

"Oh, sorry Hyorinmaru, forgot you are my other side," he apologized humbly. He really had to stop doing that.

"It easy, the objective of the game is to make it down the court and shoot the ball in our hoop. You can pass or dribble the ball as well. If you pick the ball up from your dribble you have to shoot, or pass. When its their ball makes sure to block, and try to steal but whatever you do don't grab there arm, or reach in got it?." Ichigo said finally letting out a breath.

"Simple I suppose..." Toshiro said coolly.

"Hey, pony-chan don't you need a fifth?" Yuki said.

Ichigo eye twitched at the nickname. He tried to forget about the tattoo present on his face. But of course she had to bring it up. "My name is not pony, and second I thought you were playing?"

Yarchiru hugged Yuki tightly. "Nope, me and mommy going to be the cheerleaders"

Ichigo mouth twitch into a his signature scowl. "Well that's just lovely, where the hell are we going to find a fifth?"

"I could help, it was a good past time I use to play it with my old comrades, " Ashido offered.

Toshiro folded his arms. "We have a full team now, correct?"

Ichigo nodded. "Yeah, let's do it!"

The soul reapers all changed into their black and white jerseys, given to them by the bounts. Yuki and Yarchiru were wearing cheerleader outfits, once again made by the bounts..

Ichigo who decide he was the best fit to wear the number on jersey. His facial features set with determination as he grabbed the ball.

"Lets play ball."

#

"Would you like to get comfortable," Yamamoto said patting the bed in a seductive manner.

Grimmjow gulped loudly.

"Uhh no not really," Grimmjow said quickly, he had to have at least some ounce of pride left. Even if it was a little. He looked around for Yoruichi who was no where in site.

"Oh, you're the shy type. Don't worry, I won't bite." Yamamoto purred pulling a rose out the vase and putting in his mouth. "Unless you ask..."

"Yeah...no."

"How about you come and sit down, next to me" Yamamoto laid on the bed, playing with his kimono reviling his hairy but muscular chest.

Grimmjow was going to strangle Yoruichi for leaving him here. He played with his fake hair ."I like standing, it's good for the heart," he lied, trying not to let his real emotion show on his face.

Yamamoto rubbed his chin. "I never heard of that."

"Well, it is you should try it with me. Outside!"

"No, I think we're better in here. In my nice, warm, cozy room."

"Did it just get hot in here?" Grimmjow stated with no pun intended.

"That's just my zanpaktou, I could heat you up even more if you come and sit."

Grimmjow panicked even more. He had to think so something...fast!

"I can't do this..." he trailed off with comically tears in his eyes.

Yamamoto looked heartbroken. "What, why? Was is something I said?"

"No, I can't be just a booty-call. I want more out of out of this relationship. That is why we can never be," Grimmjow said placing a exaggerated hand over his forehead for emphasis. He thanked the gods that Tier forced him watch those girly romantic movies with her.

Yamamoto gabbed his/her hand, stoking it softly. "We can be much more than that. This whole thirty minutes I have fallen in love with you. I love everything about you."

"What the hell!" Grimmjow said out loud.

"I will the follow the rules and make an honest woman out of you," Yamamoto said, he placed his cane on the ground, and got on one knee.

Grimmjow eyes widen.

"Marry me Grimmlady?"

"AH! Fuck me!" Grimmjow yelped not noticing the irony in his words.


	9. Marry me

"M-marry you!" Grimmjow half-way shouted.

Yamamoto walked to his phone and started dialing a number on it. "This was my grandson wedding today, but a double wedding could be arrange."

"Look, I not very good at saying this..." Grimmjow begin before he could continued Yamamoto placed a finger over his mouth.

"No need to speak, I will handle everything. What color dress do you want. I'm sure someone of your caliber dozen want to wear white?"

"Look here-wait what do you mean I can't wear white?" Grimmjow said feeling slightly insulated.

"I meant nothing by it my love, I'm just sure you're a very experiences woman that is all."

Grimmjow gritted his teeth. "I'm not a whore! And besides I can't marry you."

Yamamoto looked Grimmlady with a sad expression. "Why?"

"Want to know fucking why? Because I'm a ma-"

"Because she's in love with me." a voice chimed in.

#

"Will someone please remove this disgraceful person from the stage. His tattoo are making me nauseas," the Soi-Fon look alike said refereeing to Renji.

Renji growled storming off stage, Rukia stopped him from going any further.

"Renji you can't let what there saying get to you."

"Did you here what they're called me?" Renji said folding his arms.

"Yes, but they're nobles what did you expected?"

He sighed. "Good point, even Captain isn't as bad as these assholes."

Rukia chuckled and pushed him back on stages. "How think I feel, I have to deal with this everyday."

"You have my sympathy."

"Thanks, now get back out there and dance my pretty"  
>#<p>

"Urahara Kiskue what are you doing here?"

Kiskue was standing in the door way, he hadn't step a foot in the soul society for over a hundred years. But of course, when Yoruichi said she needed his help he had to come, and she had promise him something very special if he came.

"I came for someone, and that someone is Lady Grimm!" Kiskue said pointing his fan at Grimmjow.

"Grimmlady." Grimmjow corrected him.

"Grimmlady."

Yamamoto stomped his cane causing the room to shake with his spiritual pressure. "What is the meaning of this Urahara? Explain yourself!"

"Well, it quite simple me and Grimmlady are lovers we have been since childhood. I have came for her hand in marriage," he said winking at Grimmjow.

"OH, right!" Grmiijow said catching on. "I accepted to marry you. Sorry old man I guess I'm taken."

"This can't be..." Yamamoto slumped on the bed.

"Oh, but it is. I have came high and low for her love and fought many to keep it." Kiskue added waving his fan in a over-the-top manner.

Yamamoto face lit up. "Fight you say?"

Kiskue did a double take. "W-wait what?"

"I gladly accepted your challenge. We will fight for her hand in marriages!" Yamamoto declared ripping the top piece of his kimono off.

"Well, I didn't mean literally. You can have her back she not worth all this hassle." Kiskue said pushing Grimmjow in front of him.

"Fucking asshole," Grimmjow mumbled under his breath.

Yamamoto thought about than shock his head. "Seeing as I have rip my shirt off already, we must duel now."

"Great job smart-ass." Grimmjow whispered.

"I didn't think he was going to actual accept," Kiskue said seeing his life flash before his eyes.

"Well, what the fuck do we do now?"

"Consider he would murder me in a fight, we do the most logical thing."

"That is?"

"Reduce all cre-" Yamamoto begin dropping his sword into the ground.

"We pray and ran for our life."

#

"Yeah Kenny, he's are man if he can't do no one can. Go soul reapers!" Yuki and Yarchiru chanted.

"All right the rules are simple," Jin said. "Whoever has the most points in the end of the fourth quarters."

"And when you youngster lose, your souls shall become are pets." Swatari added.

"We don't plan on losing," Ichigo replied with confidences in his tone.

_The end of the 1st quarter._

"We going to fucking lose! "Kenpachi said growling at Ichigo.

"It's just the first quarter," Ichigo reminded him.

"Yeah, but you and short-stuff over there suck!"

Ashido was the star of the team getting the most points for the Soul 5 in the first quarter, Kenpachi since he was the tallest had the easiest time getting rebounds, and Byakuya was the best at stealing. But Ichigo and Toshiro just out right suck, they couldn't get a point to save their lives...literally.

Score:

KNM=35

Soul 5=15

"This is bullshit, how do you expected me to shoot the damn hoop is taller than me," Toshiro said with discouragement in his voice..

"Well, you could just pass the ball and stop being a damn ball-hog!" Ichigo replied with an eye-roll.

"Well, if someone stop taking a shot every time he has the ball!"

"I'm still doing better than you!"

"You didn't even make one-shot!"

"You didn't either!"

"How about just passing the ball to Ashido and I," Byakuya said sagely. " Obviously neither of you can manage a shot."

Kenpachi nodded. "For once I agree with the princess over here, you both suck."

"I don't suck, its just my first time!" Toshiro rebuttal.

"And will be our last time if we lose." Byakuya said.

"Let's just get back out there, and play as a team and pass the ball this time." Ashido said holding his hand in the middle.

The soul reapers nodded and placed their hands in the middle.

"Right!"


	10. Zangetsu is the man

Getting the uniforms was the easy part. Trying to blend in, not so much.

"This outfit is so hot and tight," Shunsui moaned.

The escapees had manage to buy some ninja clothes for disguise, but since Shunsui was too muscular and not built like a stealth squad member his outfit fitted the tightest. One would think two captain-level males should be able to take her out, but Soi-Fon was no ordinary woman. She was a feminists woman who got her heartbroken.

That's was the worse type of them all.

"It's just a little further sir." Hanaruto said amiably.

"You there," a stealth member called them stopping them in their tracks. "What are you doing here and what's you post?"

"I'll handle this," Shunsui whispered and walked towards the man.

"Sir, our post was guarding the prisoners," Shunsui said. "But Captain Soi-fon called for us."

The stealth member brought his hand to his chin in thought. "Hmm, you all don't look familiar."

"We're are new to the group," Shunsui lied. "We must go, don't want to keep the boss waiting."

They turn to leave.

"Wait!" the stealth member yelled, they froze in their tracks. "State the honor code."

Shunsui cleared his throat.

"Lady Yoruichi is the goddess of all goddess. She is beautiful, smart and graceful, something I will never be."

Long paused.

"All hail Yoruichi!" the ninja yelled saluting a picture of Yoruichi. "At ease."

What that he turned and flashed away leaving the three escapee there.

"Captain how did you know that?" Hanaruto asked in amazement.

"Its Soi-Fon," Shunsui said with a shrugged. " Wasn't that hard to figure out."

"Look there the exit," Juushiro pointed out.

The three escapees begin to run towards the exit, feeling freedom at hand. Nothing or no one could stop them from reaching the door...well maybe someone.

"So," Soi-Fon voiced boomed from behind them causing them to stop.

"C-captain Soi-Fon," Hanaruto sputtered.

"Trying to escape huh?" Soi-Fon said her tone laced with venom.

"Oi, you look beautiful today Soi-chan." Shunsui said earning a knock aside his head from the bride.

"OUCH!"

"Don't call me that!" Soi-Fon yelled, through gritted teeth. "You were trying to escape!"

"Soi-Fon, you can't lock us up," Juushiro intervened, Soi-Fon eyebrow shot up.

"Why not?"

"Because we haven't did anything wrong, and its against the law to lock up innocent people," Juushiro reasoned.

Soi-Fon smirked. "None of you are innocent for your injustice to women."

"How can you say that? Do you have any proof?"

Soi-Fon smiled wickedly and pulled out a TV and a old battered VCR. She grabbed a tape from inside here kimono and inserted into the VCR. The first clip shows Shunsui harassing a woman which in turns earned him a smack across the face.

"Oi, that's nothing new," Shunsui admitted, rubbing the side of his face in remembrance.

The next clip showed poor old Hanaruto stumbling into the women's bathroom.

"That was a a-accident!" Hanaruto stuttered.

"I assure you Soi-Fon, I have done nothing wrong," Juushiro said proudly.

"Is that so?" Soi-Fon said, her face widen into a evil grin. The next clip shows Juushiro walking into Captain Unohana's room and stealing her underwear.

Three set of eyes landed on the white-hair captain.

Shunsui eyes widen. "Juu tell me it ain't so?"

"I didn't mean it," Juushiro said, holding his head down in shame. "It just happen. I don't know what to say."

"I know you had the hots for her but I didn't expect you do that," Shunsui said, a smirk on his face. "What color were they?"

Juushiro ignored his ex-friend and kept holding his head down in shame.

"You all will be punish to the fullest extinct!" Soi-Fon said drawing her zanpaktou.

"By whose judgment?" Shunsui asked.

"Mines."  
>#<p>

"Shoot the Jay. Shoot it," Byakuya encourage Toshiro.

Toshiro jumped and threw the ball into the hoop earning a point for the soul reapers and his first point of the game.

"Its that the best you got, soul reaper?" Jin teased Ichigo who was coming down the lane with the ball.

"Ichigo over here!" Ashido yelled for his teammate to pass the ball.

Ichigo heard his teammate cry for the ball, but being the egomaniac teen he was did the next best thing.

Took the shoot, and missed.

_3nd quarter end._

Muhhaa=79  
>Soul reapers=50<p>

"Look like you're going to become are bitches soul reapers!" Yoshi said.

"I'm going to enjoy doing experiments on you all," Swatari said, already writing down their body calculation.

"Great fucking job, what the hell was that anyway?" Kenpachi said glaring at a certain teen.

"I was trying to get a point!" Ichigo argued.

"Just admit you suck pony-chan," Yuki said with supreme smugness. "Maybe I will take your place."

"Hell no!"

"Kurosaki, I think its best if we change players," Byakuya said approvingly.

"What your taking me out for a girl!" Ichigo scoffed.

"I'll get more points then you!" Yuki yelled.

"Oh yeah, prove it!" Ichigo shouted back.

"And another three pointer by Yuki Zaraki!" a random announcer said. "This girl is on fire, some get the extinguisher because she burning up the floor!"

"Woman, go back home in the kitchen you belong!" Jin insulted her, trying to steal the ball from her.

Yuki smirked and shoots the ball over his head. "Take that!"

"Yeah, go mommy!" Yarchiru cheered, she looked over at the moody teen. "She even better than you Icchi."

"Shut up..." Ichigo mumbled.

_"How about I help you out king?" _

Ichigo knew that voice anywhere.

"You!" He said, pointing a figure to no one in particular.

"_Stop pointing you look like a idiot," Zangetsu scolded him. "I saw you getting your ass kicked on the court."_

"No, I wasn't."

_"You don't have to lie to me king. I see everything, just like I see that hot babe getting all the shoots out there."_

_"_Yeah, whatever."

_"Holy shit!" Zangetsu yelled inside Ichigo's head causing the teen winced at his loudness._

"What!?"

_"Her skirt just flew up and she wearing a thong," Zangetsu said in a rather calm manner. "Damn king you missed it."_

"I wasn't trying to look anyway you pervert," Ichigo growled.

_"Why do you lie to your inner sprit?"_

"I wasn't trying to look you pervert!"

_"Whatever, I decide to help you out here."_

"I don't need your help."

"_Come on, King I always said I would protect you to the end, pride included. Just let me take over and I will win this."_

"TAKE OVER MY BODY HELL NO!"

"_Ok, well continued to be humiliated out there than." Ichigo could feel Zangetsu smirking. "Damn look at Ashido getting all the points. I bet Rukia would choice him over you."_

"No she wouldn't..."

_"Did you see the way they were looking at each other the last time. His expression said lets fuck, hers said hell yeah!"_

"He better not touch Rukia!"

"Who touched Rukia!" Byakuya stopped abruptly, causing Ashido who was directly behind him to trip passed him.

"Shit!" Ashido said grabbing ahold of his knee in pain.

"ASHIDO!" Yuki wailed, flying to his side. The soul reapers watched as medical team came and pulled Ashido out on a stretcher. Yuki eyes turned from tears to a dangerous glint aimed at Byakuya.

"Good work princess, you injury are best player," Kenpachi said holding Yuki back from tearing him into shreds.

"I was distracted, I apologize."

"You do know were screwed now the star player is down," Yuki reminded them.

"Great, I guess you're back in Kurosaki..."Toshiro said, slightly disappointed. Ichigo faced scrunched up into a weird expression. "Kurosaki is something wrong?"

A strange music started to play from the background as Ichigo turned all white, including his outfit and face, the soul reapers looked at the teen strangely.

"Icchi face look weird," Yarchiru giggled.

"King taking a nap, I'll be your teammate for now," Zangetsu/Ichigo said with a smirk.

"Hollow!" the baby said correctly.

Byakuya looked on proudly like any father would when their child says a word correctly.

"Should we do something..." Toshiro said a little concern.

"Hell no," Kenpachi replied. "He looks like he can do a lot better than Ichigo."

Yuki nodded. "I agree."

"Wonderful, we're going to let a hollow play now?" Toshiro snarled.

"I'll do a lot better than King was doing," Zangetsu/Ichigo said.

Toshiro didn't look convinced, Zangetsu/Ichigo grabbed the ball from Toshiro hand and shoot it, making the hoop.

Toshiro for the first time that day smiled. "OK, he's in."

Zangetsu/Ichigo smirked.

"Well since that settle lets play ball."

Zangetsu wasn't lying when he said he was Ichigo true source of power, he was also everything Ichigo wasn't. That included being good at basketball, he scored point after point. The bounts were up by one, the clock run down to the last few seconds and it was up to Zangetsu to take the winning shot.

"This is too easy," Zangetsu laughed, dribbling the ball pass Jin and Swatari and taking the winning shoot.

"The Soul Five wins!" the random announcer yells.

"Yeah we won!" Yuki cheered, hugging Kenpachi and Yarchiru.

"We played your game bounts where's Kuji?" Toshiro said sternly.

"You can have your stupid friend back," Jin waved him off, throwing a man with a bag over his head towards them. "Come on guys let's go build other pointless things!"

"Yeah!" the all agreed walking away.

"Finally we found you Yamamoto."

He took off the bag and what the soul reapers saw made them all jump into a fighting stances.

"YOU!"

#

"Well that was close," Kiskue said in a low voice, waving his fan.

He and Grimmjow were hiding in best hiding spot in the whole soul society.

A well hidden bush behind the fourth division. Any place close to Captain Unohana was safe enough for them.

Grimmjow peeked around the bushing making sure it was no sign of the old man. He sighed. "Damn it, what kind of plan was that?"

"Well Yoruichi never told me what I had to do. She just told me to get you out of there."

"The sexy-cat got you into this as well?"

"Yeah, she promise me a hug."

"She promise me the same thing."

"She is a very convincing woman."

They both nodded in agreement.

"You smell that?" Grimmjow said, sniffing the air.

"It smells like a sexy shopkeeper being burnt to a crisp," Kiskue replied then looked down to see he was on fire. "Well, this isn't good."

Yamamoto launched towards them his flames roaring behind him, destroying most of the soul society with it..

"I will kill you Urahara, and conquer you Grimmlady!"

"Damn," They said in unison.

#

"Hello Aizen-sama," Yuki said with a wave.

"AIZEN!" Toshiro said, his sword drawled and pointing at the ex-captain. The other captains did the same.

Aizen smirked. "It's not nice point such dangerous weapons at a friend."

"Friend? Where the hell did you get that idea!" Toshiro snapped.

Ichigo who had finally taken back his body look on in shock. "How did you get out of prison?"

"That's easy," Aizen said. "You four broke me out of course."

"WHAT!" They all yelled even Byakuya, who was usually the calmer one of the group.

"We...we...we," Toshiro stammered, struggling to form a coherent sentence. "WE DID WHAT!"

"There no need to yell Hitsugaya," Aizen said camly. "You all came to the prison and broke me free if I promise an everlasting friendship, I, of course, accepted. It's gets quite lonely in that prison."

"This must be a lie, I would never take a part in something so wrong," Byakuya argued.

"You all were quite intoxicated when you rescued me."

"How do we know if this shit ain't some illusion?" Kenpachi asked.

"Ah, but it's not. My sword disappeared a long time ago," Aizen reasoned. "I assure you, I have to intention on hurting my friends."

"We. Are. Not. Your. Friends." Ichigo said slowly. "And your going back to jail."

Aizen smirked. "Yes, but you all are going to come with me."

"Don't be foolish, " Toshiro quipped.

"Foolish? Quite the opposite," Aizen said, a smile playing on his lisp. "You see if you turn me back in I'll just tell them it was you four that broke me out."

"They wouldn't believe a convict," Ichigo protested.

"On the contrary, I'm a very convincing person," Aizen said mildly.

They couldn't argue with him there.

The soul reapers looked at each other, if what he was saying was true than they would be thrown in jail as well for conspiracy to break out a convict.

"This is not adding up," Toshiro stated. "How did you end up here?"

Aizen rubbed his temple a while before he spoke. "That idiot Yamamoto gave me a spiked drink. I can't seem to remember anything beyond that point."

They all sighed, they knew the feeling of having their drinks spiked all to well.

"You're evil, and cant come with us," Ichigo pointed out.

"Am I?" Aizen smiled. "Name one person I have truly killed?"

"Gin Ichimaru," Byakuya chimed in.

"Ah, but is he really dead?"

"You tried killing Momo!" Toshiro argued.

"If I tried killing her please tell me why a master of zanjutsu such as myself managed not to hit any of her major arteries hmm? The same could be said for you, or Kurosaki, and even Harribel."

In some screwed up way Toshiro couldn't disagree with the ex-captain, what he said was true. Aizen hadn't truly killed anyone they knew, and no one knew for sure if Ichimaru was truly dead. He had all the chances to kill people, but for some twisted reason he didn't. This world started to make less, and less since to Toshiro.

"Just let him come with us," Toshiro said in defeat.

Everyone looked at the leader of their group in shock. Out of everyone in the group, Aizen was most hated by the snow-hawk captain and his words shocked everyone.

"Wait, why?" Ichigo asked, Kenpachi and Byakuya nodded wondering the same thing.

"Seriously, I just don't care any more, Toshiro said dully. "My hair has been cut, we lost the groom, a crazy girl wants to kill me, hollows went to live out their dream, Byakuya is a father, Kenpachi married, it's not like letting him stay isn't going to make this day any stranger than it is," he finished.

"Wow snowy your really going emo over there," Yuki said.

"That's what life does, it swallows you hold and spits you out in a thousand shatter pieces," Toshiro said with a deeply, distance look in his eye.

Silences.

"... are you ok?"" Ichigo said voicing his concern for the tenth division captain.

"Are we even real? What if were just fragments from a mad man's imagination, destiny to live in his created fantasy?"

"I do believe he has finally snapped," Byakuya said solemnly.

"That's just perfect.." Kenpachi said dryly shaking his head.

#

With most of the Soul society in flames, Yamamoto had finally corner Kiskue and Grimmjow. Both males held each other in fear.

"Have fun dying," Grimmjow said with a tear in his eye..

"Have fun getting manhandle," Kiskue replied, with an equal tear in his eye.

"Prepare to die Urahara! Grimmlady is mines! '"Yamamoto roared his sword coming down to strike him.

"No, she's not," a mysterious person said dropping in front of Yamamoto. It was quite obvious this person was indeed Yoruichi, but Yamamoto being so love stricken didn't realize this. "Grimmlady is wanted for treason, and it's my job to kill her," the figure declares stabbing Grimmjow with a fake knife.

"Play along," Yoruichi whispered low enough only for him to hear.

"Oh-OH," Grimmjow said catching on. "Oh, no, I'm dying this can't be," he said, sounding like a person out of a an soap opera. He leaned over clutching his stomach, and crying out in agony.

"This was an order from the Soul King himself, Grimmlady must die for her treason to the soul society," the masked Yoruichi said. Yamamoto being the strict rules followers he was said nothing to the figure, but that didn't stop him from running to Grimmlady's side.

Yamamoto dropped his sword. "No, why must this happen to you my love!"

"Don't be sad, I lived a long life," Grimmjow said reading the sign Yoruichi was holding behind them. "You have to live for us both, I will never forget...you. " Grimmjow read off the sign, before dying in the most over exaggerated manner. His body twitched as if he was having a seizure, as he rolled his eyes to the back of his head.

"Why is this world so cruel!" Yamamoto wailed, shaking his fist at the sky.

#

Natsumi walked into the tenth division, with a bucket of paint in her hands. How she, a normal soul, was able to enter to soul society was unknown. She walked into the offices, no members of the tenth division dared stopped her. They had seen the captain with her the night before and figure the two must have been going out. That, and they really just didn't care. If the captain liked older women that was no concern to them. They figured that's why he dealt with the lieutenant's foolishness.

He simply liked the presence of an older women, he was after all rumor to be a playa.


	11. Bed on the roof

"We still haven't found Kuji," Ichigo sighed.

The rescue group headed back to hotel where it had all started. Aizen tagged alongside them, he was disguise in a suit with glasses. In a strange way he looked like Clark Kent, if you squinted hard enough. But imagining a sadistic, enigmatic man as a superhero wasn't the easiest thing.

"This world hates me, it fills my life with emptiness and sorrow," Toshiro said to no one in particular.

"And our leader has gone emo..." Ichigo added dryly.

"Well my friends, I do think this is bad," Aizen said.

"Will you shut the hell up!" Kenpachi growled.

Even through Aizen could kill Kenpachi in a fight, it was something about him that made the ex-captain fear the tall barbaric captain. Of course, his pride would never let him admitted that out loud.

"Wait a minute," Ichigo said, a light bulb going off in his head. "Yuki, you was with us last night?"

"Yeah," Yuki nodded. "Why?"

I"What do you remember?"

Yuki thought about it for a second. "Hmm, you guys, superman over there, and blue kitten decided to head back to the hotel. something about a prank with a bed."

Toshiro who had finally came out of his emo stage stopped. "Did you say bed?" Yuki nodded, it hit Toshiro like a flying rock, why hadn't he thought about it before. "I know where Kuji is."

The soul reapers looked surprised and followed Toshiro to the hotel and up to the roof.

"This is pointless, we already been up here," Byakuya said.

Toshiro ignored the older captain and walked further on the roof, but this time they saw a familiar face.

"H-hey, guys," Kuji said through gritted teeth, the male was in pain from the bad sun burn.

"KUJI!" they said in unison.

" I'm so happy your safe friend," Aizen said a little too friendly.

"...the hell." Kuji said a little surprise.

"Don't ask," Toshiro and Ichigo said at the same time, helping him up.

"My pills must have worked!" Kuji boasted.

"Dumb ass, you almost got us all killed by your crazy girlfriend," Kenpachi said.

"She's not crazy!"

**Somewhere in the Soul Society...**

"How will I kill each of you," Soi-Fon begin with a demonic expression on her face. The three soul reapers watched in horror as she debated over which weapon to kill them with first. She had chained them on the wall, in the order she would kill them.

"Kyoraku will die first. Then Utitake. Last will be umm..."Soi-Fon said trying to remember the boy's name.

"Hanaruto," Hanaruto reminded her.

"Hamtuna!" Soi-Fon said precisely.

Hanaruto sighed sadly, it was bad enough he was about to die, but even his executioner didn't remember his name.

"You know Juu, whatever happen I hope we can die being friends," Shunsui said hopefully. Juushiro was about to consider accepting Shunsui back as his friend till he said.

"I mean I don't blame you for stealing Retsu underwear, I mean she's has a great body. I even seen it once."

"...exactly how did you see her with no clothes on?" Juushiro asked, already knowing he wouldn't like the answer.

"I was spying on my little Nano-chan in a hot spring and there she was...naked. Who knew a Kenpachi was hiding that perfect body under all those garment," Shunsui said dreamily.

"Shunsui."

"Yes?"

"I hope your death is painful."

**Back to the soul reapers...**

"Ok, Kurosaki call Rukia and let her know were on our way back," Toshiro ordered. Ichigo nodded and begin to dial Rukia's number.

"Shit we still need to get ready," Kenpachi interjected.

"Were just going to have to get ready in the car," Toshiro said cleverly.

"...why the hell do we need a car in the Soul Society?" Ichigo asked.

"Don't." Toshiro sighed. "Don't even ask, the logic of this world is far beyond any of our explanation."

#

"Now you all will die!" Soi-Fon said holding up her choice of weapon which was strangely enough a cat claw. "Shunsui will be the first to die."

Juushiro smiled at this.

"Ah, I guess you can't resist my mainly charm," Shunsui said boastfully. "That is why you have to kill me first."

"Oh lord..." Juushiro rolled his eyes.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Soi-Fon said.

"My manliness is simply too much for you handle," Shunsui stated with supreme smugness is was glowing off of him." My stubbles, my masculinity, and my raw sexiness is too much for you endure. I understand killing me first is best for both you and I. The last thing I want to do is steal my best friend's girlfriend because I was more manly."

Silences.

"AHAAHAHAHAHAHHA!" Soi-Fon went into a hysterical laugh at the flamboyant captain. "You think that's why I'm killing you first? I'm killing you first because I don't like you."

"Deny my raw sexuality if you want."

"HAHAHA!" Soi-Fon laughed, wiping a tear from her eye. "I'm going to have fun killing you."

She walked over with her claw in hand, about to strike him but a voice stopped her.

"Soi-Fon that's quite enough," Unohana voiced ringed, causing the bride to be to stop in her tracks.

"Captain!" Hanaruto said, with twinkling eyes.

"Soi-Fon that is no way for a bride to act on her wedding day," Unohana chided. "You should be getting ready for your wedding."

"But, Kuji stood me up!" Soi-Fon protested clawing at Shunsui face.

"OUCH!"

"That's not what I heard," Unohana said.

Soi-Fon face lit up. "What?"

"I heard he was on his way to the wedding," Unohana said softly. "And you don't want him to know you tried killing your fellow captains do you?"

"No..." Soi-Fon murmured.

"That's a good girl." Unohana patted her on the head like a mother would do their child. Soi-Fon clawed another time at Shunsui face before letting the three males go, much to her dismay.

Shunsui, who face was bruise from the claws still managed to say before passing out. "See, I told you she couldn't resist my manliness charm."

Everyone sighed.


	12. Ending

The wedding went on as plan, the rescue party, along with a disguise Aizen enter the wedding at the nick of time. Renji had been booed off stage by that time, and Soi-Fon had managed to clean her dress from the blood stains. Yamamoto made it to the wedding as well, he had buried Grimmlady next to his future tombstone. Yoruichi waited till the captain was out of distant and both her and Kiskue digged Grimmjow back up.

Everything went back to normal after the wedding.

Well excepted the burned down Soul Society and Toshiro newly painted office that had the words "playa" painted all over the walls. Toshiro who had begin to learn how to deal with life, he just laughed for ten hours straight. Some would have thought he had went crazy, but he would say he never been saner in years.

Byakuya decided to keep and raise his son, much to Rukia's approval. Byakuya had turned somewhat nicer, and warmer since he had the child. Kenpachi stayed married to Yuki, since it really didn't bother him in the first place. And she could cook and fight which was pluses in his book. Of course, Yachiru was happy with her new mommy.

Ichigo went back home and got a long speech from his dad about his sexuality due to the tattoo.

"I knew you were gay when you fail to bring home grandchildren!" his father wailed.

"I'm seventeen why the hell would I have kids!" Ichigo protested. "And I'm not gay!"

"Why Masaki!" Isshin whined at the picture of his late wife. "Why did my manliness fail to rub off on my son! Maybe he should hang around me and Shunsui more often!" he said earning him a kick across the head from the said person.

Yamamoto stayed in his office more than usually for weeks after that, a picture of him and Grimmlady could be spotted hanging above his desk in his office. Grimmjow hurried back to Hueco Mundo, but before that he stopped off at Yamamoto's office inconspicuously sliding a note under his door.

_Dear Yamamoto,_

_Please remember that I always loved you, I had the best thirty minutes of my life with you, I knew my time was cut short. So, I wrote this letter beforehand, and had a secret messenger hold on to it. I wanted to tell you were the greatest man I ever met, please know I will never forget you even in another lifetime._

_Your Truly,_

_Grimmlady._

Grimmjow was many things, but heartless wasn't one of them. If anyone ever question his manhood he would pound their face to the ground, but he still felt a little sad for the old lonely man even. If the old man knew he was an Espada he would have been killed on the spot. Still, even a ancient, grandpa deserved someone to love. Yamamoto smiled and kept the letter in a secret spot for safe keeping.

Soi-Fon had managed to mellow out some since the wedding. Kuji hadn't dared look at another woman since that day. The thought of his eyes being carved out at night was enough to scare him from doing so. Juushiro had went on a life journey and hadn't been seen in weeks. Shunsui was off well...being Shunsui. Aizen went on to become a famous screenwriter known throughout the Soul Society. His most notable plays was that of a that of betrayal, the people who knew that Eukous Nezia was really Souskue Aizen in disguise knew why those were his best.

Everything had went back to _semi-normal._

Kuji had called everyone up asking them to meet him at his house. Byakuya, Shunsui, Kenpachi, Toshiro, Grimmjow, Ichigo, and even Aizen had came. They had gather in his living room, he walked out holding something behind his back.

"What did you call us up here for Kuji?" Byakuya chimed in first.

Kuji smiled reviling what he was holding behind his back. "Tada!" he said holding up a flash drive.

"A flash drive?" Ichigo piped in.

"Not just any flash drive," Kuji said. "But the flash drive with everything we did that night. I had a camcorder fixated in my hair."

All the males looked at each other.

"Should we play it?" Grimmjow asked looking around.

"I do believe we should," Aizen interjected.

"Hell yeah, I'm dying to know what happen," Kenpachi grinned.

"Even I'm curious..." Byakuya said.

"Can't be that bad!" Shunsui replied cheerfully.

The males looked once again at each other than nodded. Kuji walked over and placed the usb into his computer that played from the TV. What was shown couldn't be described in words. The males looked on in a mix of horror and laughter at the events that took place.

"Told you we had a good time that night," Kenpachi said smiling.

_There it is, the last chapter of this story. My first book I finished on this website, and I must say I'm quite proud. I had this story on another website for over three years and never finished it till today. I liked it, and the ending was perfect in my book. Thank you all for reading my story. There will be a part two of this soon. _


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